Communicate. Opening up to your partner about how you feel is the key to regenerating your desire for intimacy. The longer you avoid the conversation, the harder talking about it will feel. Be honest and true with not only them, but yourself as well. It will feel liberating, to say the least.
Tell them what you want in bed. So many sexual problems in marriages could be solved quickly if both individuals would simply tell the other person what they want in bed. That’s it! Whether it’s that you want more oral or that you’re not a fan of baby talk, letting your partner know about what turns you on is essential for a healthy sex life.
Rediscover your own wants and needs. In other words, reclaim and nurture your own sexual desires. Figuring out what ignites your passion—in and outside of the bedroom—is a great way to gain your libido back.
Appreciate your own body. Increase your sexual desires by spending some time in the nude. By admiring your body in its most natural form, you’ll be able to heighten your connection to suppressed sexual instincts.
Take a look at your stress levels. If you’re looking to restore your sexuality, tend to your stress levels. Having a low libido is often tied to feeling unhappy or exhausted; and it’s no secret that the amount of stress in your marriage directly affects how you feel about the deed. Knowing your stressors—and how to get rid of them—can help decrease the impact they take on your sex life.
Find a regular outlet for your stress. Whether it’s yoga or vigorous exercise, the more you move your body, the more likely it is that your sex drive will reappear.
Hone in on your sensuality. It’s important that you connect sensually with your partner before you try to resume having sex. Slow down and get fully aroused—intercourse feels much, much better for women when there is at least 20 minutes of foreplay.
Speaking of foreplay—do more of it. Stop. Rushing. Things. Like we said before, slow down and get fully aroused. Not only does foreplay help to maintain intimacy, it's also especially important for women to get their vaginas wet and “ready.” So, ask him to use his mouth and hands to warm you up. You’ll be pleasantly surprised to find how fulfilling it can be to delay the big finish.
Explore your senses. During the bridge to intercourse, explore your five senses. Candles, aromatherapy, feathers, saunas, chocolate—all of these stimulate your different senses to help fuel your excitement and arousal.
Incorporate toys. If things in the sack have become stale, toys are a great way to spice things up. Using a vibrator or fleshlight might not solve all the problems you have with your sex life, but it’s definitely a good start. Plus, it’s an effective visual guide on exactly how you want your partner to make love to you.
Think about opening your relationship. While open relationships are not for everyone, it might be worth at least bringing up the idea with your spouse. Obviously, many things have to be taken into consideration, such as boundaries and “what if” situations. Still, plenty of folks have found that fulfilling their sexual desires outside of their relationship—with their partner’s consent—has been an amazing way to satisfy all their needs.
Find other ways to make each other happy. If both of you agree that sex isn’t a critical part of your marriage, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with toning down the sexual parts of the relationship and focusing on the romantic side of things. In short, it's okay to be in love, but not in lust.
Have more sex. If both of you agree that sex is a crucial part of your marriage, the solution might just be to spend more time getting it on. Though it might feel pretty “eh” at first, the more you have sex with your husband, the more likely it is that your sexual chemistry will grow. So, stick it out for a little while—you might end up loving the payoff.
Attend sex therapy. If your problems between the sheets are seriously impacting the rest of your relationship, you and your husband might want to consider going to see a licensed sex therapist. Even though it can get pretty expensive, a professional can help both of you with your issues in the bedroom.
Don’t force yourself. Although it is important that you take action and not run from the issue, you should never force yourself to have sex with your partner. After all, admitting there is a problem is the first step.
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