Women throughout the world are empowering themselves by owning their sexuality. Rather than succumbing to slut-shaming, girls are now embracing their sexuality. Though it’s great for some, others aren’t sure where the line between empowering and exploiting lies. One woman became an escort to empower herself, but it actually crushed her. Here’s her firsthand account, thanks to XOJane. Is sex work empowering, or is it a sham? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below.
A woman by the name of Femme Fatale decided to come forth to talk about her life as an escort. Before she had decided to get into sex work, she had studied to obtain her SSTC in English for years. Prior to becoming a sex worker, she had decided to read up on feminism, different forms of sex work, and women’s health.
Like many women, she had felt like escorting would be a way to empower herself. She explained that she felt it was “a feminist statement.” Also like many other women, she was curious about the adult industry and wanted to see what her potential for being a sex worker. So, it was definitely a well-researched idea.
Initially, she had thought she would have chosen to be a stripper instead. But, after doing some thorough research, she discovered, “trippers were working very hard for mere Washingtons in return. Escorting is where the real money is.” Like many others in her situation, she was all about getting Benjamin Franklin and his clones to hang out in her pocket.
Blinded by the money, she went into the sex industry as an escort. According to her, it only took a week for her to become an escort. She said, “found the real forums on which to forge such a business and within a short period of time, my daily Benjamins were becoming Clevelands, and I did not have enough hours in the day to meet the demand.”
Within a matter of months, she had become known as a top escort on a major site. This meant that business was booming and that men were paying huge amounts of money to see her. She explained that many men would book weeks in advance, and that she got “glowing reviews daily.” Sounds good, right?
To her, she felt like she was doing it all. Back in the day, she said, “I was single and actualizing my own sexuality while empowering myself as a woman, a business entity, and a feminist.” Well, that’s what she thought she was doing, anyway. However, the glitter soon faded.
Once she was fully established in the sex industry world, she decided to continue to take time out just to study up on feminism. For the longest time, she believed that was she was doing was an example of “women being their strongest, most powerful, and most actualized.” She felt like her work was empowering women.
But then, the success and infamy began to wear off. She quickly realized how wrong she was when she got burnt out by all the clients she had. She felt “exhausted, disillusioned and bitter, and lonely and horribly depressed.” The high that she got from sex work was gone, and she no longer felt smart, sexy, or even successful.
The problem herein lay in what sex work was all about. As she explained, “As a sex worker, it is literally your job to make a man feel special, superior, and satisfied as if he is the only being on the planet.” It’s literally a game of being his fantasy - and that leaves no room for your own self.
She also realized that sex work doesn’t really allow you to grow as a person or discover yourself. As a sex worker, there is no part in “you.” What you are is a product that’s influenced by appearances, sold via appearance. She explained, “It is all about HIM and his sexual desires, kinks, and needs.”
She felt like “a hollow shell” of a person. Much of this was due to catering to men’s emotional needs. Escorts are expected to listen to men talking about their emotional lives, and that tends to be very draining. But, to make the money, she had to try to pretend to comfort them because that’s what escorts do.
“Then there is the dangerous tightrope one walks when sex, intimacy, and emotion get mixed together but there are boundaries pre-established and agreed to in the exchange.” The problem with escorting is that you’re literally paying someone to be intimate with you, and not all people can handle seeing their “girl” be with other men. They tend to get obsessed.
With Femme Fatale, this was a serious issue. Men bought her, and eventually just wanted to own her. At times, breaking the fantasy was something that her clients were just not okay with doing - and they went nuts over her. She wrote, “I have had to physically fight, obtain restraining orders, move, and change my number, and I have even legally changed my name.”
Basically, she was paid to satiate male narcissism. And by doing so, she basically had to relinquish her own rights and uphold the patriarchy. She felt like a nonperson - and that really hurt her.
She ended by saying that getting out of sex work was hard but worth it. And, she said that she now feels freer than she had ever felt while in the sex work world. Others in the comments said they disagreed and that they moonlight as escorts. Do you think that sex work is anti-feminist, or can it be empowering in the right mode?
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