Gay Men Speak Out On Why They Don’t Like Anal

There's no rulebook that states that a gay man needs to fit any particular bill. There aren't any rules. The only thing that factors into a man's sexuality is who he's sexually interested in. If he likes men, he's gay. If he doesn't want to take part in any other activities involved with the gay community, then he doesn't have to. For example, some gay men don't like anal sex. People outside the gay community may not understand this, but that's just it — it doesn't matter what you do or don't understand. It all comes down to someone's personal preference. Keep reading to learn more about gay men speaking out on why they don't like anal.

Preferences. Just because you fit into a certain “sexual category” doesn’t mean you have to abide by the “rules.” Some gay men indulge in anal sex, some don’t. And those who don’t aren’t any less gay on account.

Bottoming. When a guy receives anal sex, he’s typically referred to as a bottom — if he so chooses to be referred to as that. Whether they like that term or not, there are some gay men who simply refuse to “bottom.” They don’t want anything going up their butts, and though they need any, they have their reasons.

Discomfort. “I honestly can’t bottom. I’ve tried it. I’ve tried using toys, using ridiculous amounts of lube… but it’s just doesn’t work with me. It always hurts. I’ve never felt an ounce of pleasure from it. I can’t think of a clearer explanation.” —Jason K. from Connecticut.

Awkward. “For the longest time, I’ve always felt really uncomfortable about letting people near my butt. Maybe it’s a phobia. Maybe it’s like part of some repressed fear. I don’t know. I just know that I never bottom because the whole idea just freaks me out. Doesn’t change the fact that I’m still attracted to men, though.” —Cal M. from Michigan.

Personal preference. “I’ve done it a few times — it’s just that I don’t necessarily like it. I definitely consider myself a top. Maybe if I was with a guy in a long term relationship and he really wanted to top me, then I guess I might consider giving in. But it would need a lot of convincing, and he’d need to be pretty amazing to be able to change my mind.” —Mike O. from Florida.

P-spot. The reason why anal sex can be feel so enjoyable for men is because of the pressure it applies to his prostate. The feeling is incredibly enjoyable, especially when paired with masturbation. It heightens the pleasure, and can even make his orgasm more intense.

To each his own. Although the prostate can feel incredibly pleasurable, this isn’t the case for all men. Some guys, even gay ones, don’t get an awful lot of pleasure from applying pressure to their prostates, which in turn makes anal sex far less enjoyable than it is for other men. It makes sense that these particular fellows are typically the tops in a relationship.

Flipper. “After I came out in college, I was a pretty hardcore bottom. I let guys f*ck me all the time. I just thought I kind of had to, even though it honestly always hurt and always made me feel a little weird. But the older I got, I realized that anal had so little to do with actually being gay. So I learned to move on, and as of now, I don’t think I can tell you the last time I bottomed.” —Cole R. from New Jersey.

Feelings. “Being topped just feels strange to me. I’ve had a few guys f*ck me before, and it just didn’t feel right. I didn’t enjoy it. Didn’t have fun. So instead of making it a big deal, I just label myself as a top, and that’s that. No one really makes a big deal about it.” —Ben R. from Texas.

Dominance. “I have an issue with bottoming because of how it makes me feel, mentally-speaking. Doing it just gets in my head. I always had problems when I was younger with masculinity. I grew up trying to be straight, really hating that I might be gay. So the idea of bottom just makes me feel like less of a man — even though I literally don’t think that of any other guy! It’s just a personal thing. It’s f*cked up, I guess, but it’s hard to shake.” —Tom K. from Maine.

Off limits. Some gay men not only refuse to bottom, but refuse to top, as well. It all comes down to preference. Some gay men find all the pleasure they need in everything other than anal-related activities.

Oral fixations. “I’m honestly perfectly happy with oral. And that’s not just, like, blowing each other. There’s so much more to oral that just giving or getting a blow job. But I’m not going to get into those things here. You’ll just have to look them up. Or try them out yourself…” —Martin J. from California.

Tops. “Both my boyfriend and I are strict tops. And we thought when we first started dating that it would ruin our relationship, but we’re 6-years-strong and it hasn’t affected anything. It’s just made us creative. We’ve watched a hell of a lot of porn, and it’s given us a hell of a lot of ideas.” —Joseph B. from New York.

”Pops. “This sounds like a ridiculous reason to not bottom, but I always think about my dad. I’m always worried what he might think if he knew I was taking it up the a**. It doesn’t make any difference. He knows I’m go. There’s no way he would know for sure either way. But that’s the kind of sh*t that holds me back.” —Kenny D. from

As you were. Being gay doesn’t mean that you enjoy anal sex. There’s no rule or law that states that you need to. It’s just part of the experience. It’s available, so to speak. So if you’re a gay man who’s having some troubling wrapping your head around anal, don’t sweat it. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.