Sex fantasies 101. Research done by Israeli psychologist Tracey Cox has revealed what your erotic daydreams really say about you. The good news? If you’re having sex fantasies about someone other than your partner, it doesn’t actually mean you want to stray. So, why does an image of your co-worker — or neighbor — suddenly pop up in your head during solo sessions when you have zero attraction to them in real life?
Sex fantasies 101. Moreover, why do you fantasize about things you have absolutely no desire to do in reality? Think: Rape fantasies, or gang bangs. As it turns out, analyzing sexual fantasies is a lot like dream analysis. Meaning, that, it’s more about individual interoperation than general concepts. While dreaming of performing in front of a packed audience is a positive dream for some, it’s a nightmare for others.
Sex fantasies 101. Take note, then, that you should let your instincts guide you on what rings true versus what doesn’t in the following slides. Speaking to the Daily Mail, Cox outlined some common female fantasy themes, and revealed how therapists made sense of them. Curious as to what she had to say? Well, go on then…
Irresistibility. It’s no secret that everyone wants to feel attractive. However, what if you were so good-looking that people — both men and women — couldn’t help themselves around you? What if they were literally falling at your feet, begging you to let them bed you? What then?
Irresistibility. As the Daily Mail puts it, "Being adored rather handily removes responsibility for what follows: you're being seduced by people who are desperate to possess you, how could you possibly resist? Because society frowns on women who instigate sexual encounters, our subconscious tries to find ways to make it 'acceptable' and this is one of them.” Oftentimes, this fantasy of being irresistible might mean there’s an unconscious fear that in reality, the opposite is true; in this case, it can indicate not just low self-esteem, but anxieties regarding sexual performance.
Bondage. Surprise, surprise: Recurring fantasies about bondage are all about power — or lack of. During these racy daydreams, one person has all the power, while the other doesn’t. Seemingly, people are attracted to both aspects for different reasons.
Bondage. "Stripped of it, we are completely at the mercy of someone else, absolving us of responsibility. This means we're 'forced' to enjoy whatever the other person does to us,” according to the Daily Mail. "If you're a people-pleaser and usually the 'giver', this makes it impossible to reciprocate.” However, if you’re the one in control, you’ve given the green light on being totally selfish.
Dominating. While being sexually aggressive is typically viewed as a male trait, the desire to be in control isn’t exclusive to guys. According to the Daily Mail, this fantasy is actually a favorite among women who are shy and undemanding outside of the bedroom. And though many ladies are worried that they won’t be seen as, well, lady-like if they act like a boss during sex, the imagination doesn’t play by the same rules.
Dominating. "We might choose to 'behave' during waking hours but in our dreams and our fantasies, our forceful, domineering sides are given freedom,” the Daily Mail explains. "We don't wait to be given 'permission' but take what we want, when we want it, without apology.” In this case, the goal isn’t to make fun of your partner; rather, it’s to gain a sense of total control.
The forbidden. Ever fantasized about someone you shouldn’t be fantasizing about? An ex? A professor? A — gulp — boss? Sometimes these fantasies are replays of things that have already occurred, though not always. For instance, if you’re erotic daydream is about someone you barely know, the grass-is-greener-on-the-other-side philosophy could be at play.
The forbidden. "The more forbidden the person (our partner's best friend, someone's father, the boss), the more powerful the fantasy,” the Daily Mail explains. So, exactly why does this happen? Because we all what we can’t have — especially when it comes to sex.
Cuckolding. If you’ve fantasized about having your man watch you have sex with another man, you’re not alone. That’s cuckolding 101! "The person who craves sex more is seen as more sexually powerful, so this is a power fantasy as well,” according to the Daily Mail. "It also hints at the urge to show off: we can only see so much when we're having sex with someone because you're necessarily physically close."
Romance. If you think fantasizing about romance is all about craving love, well, you’re right. According to the Daily Mail, these erotic daydreams are "had by women who are more motivated by love than sex and tend to be sexually conservative.” While most people can separate sex and love in reality, women who only have romantic fantasies are often not able to.
Virgin. Seducing a virgin, that is. If this is your go-to fantasy, it means you’re a high achiever and that you enjoy being the center of attention. "If someone's never done something before, we not only get to teach them everything we know - putting us in a superior sexual position - they probably won't criticise our technique,” the Daily Mail explains. In this case, it may mean you (secretly) feel inadequate in the bedroom.
You. What's your sexual fantasy? Do you think what Cox had to say was relevant to you? Why or why not? Sound off in the comments section below and tell all!
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