Waiting till marriage to have sex is no walk in the park. It takes discipline. Patience. And above all, a lot of masturbation. That said, what is it actually like to wait until marriage to get it on? Per Reddit, people who waited until their wedding night to have sex open up about what their first time was like, and what their lives are like today.
User “WishIWasJack.” "My wife and I were together for 2.5 years before we got married. It was really important to both of us to wait until marriage. My wife was ridiculously nervous because she is petite, and was afraid of the pain. We were honestly worried that it wouldn't fit, so she did some exercises before we got married to 'stretch it out.’
On our wedding night, it honestly went better than we both expected. Its amazing if you love each other, and theres no worry about 'how you're doing', and if they'll stay with you. We made a vow to each other, and it was comforting to just relax and enjoy each other.”
On our wedding night, it honestly went better than we both expected. Its amazing if you love each other, and theres no worry about 'how you're doing', and if they'll stay with you. We made a vow to each other, and it was comforting to just relax and enjoy each other.”
User “WishIWasJack.” "Here's the best part: She was so happy that we actually were able to have sex, that she cried. She cried from joy and hugged me after telling me how much she loved me and how happy she was that we had waited for each other, and had no sexual baggage from any previous relationships.
Waiting for her was the best decision I ever made.”
Waiting for her was the best decision I ever made.”
User “julerllai.” "It was perfectly fine and enjoyable; we had fun, we laughed, we had a whole set of lubes and toys to rate/experiment with and it was pretty entertaining.
The whole idea was that because it's a strong physical/emotional connector, but you can't always have it (re: just after pregnancy, injury, age...). We'd both seen couples end up overlooking major relationship problems because they had sex brain. We wanted a relationship that was strong without relying on sex and then let sex be simply something fun that bolsters the connection we already developed.”
The whole idea was that because it's a strong physical/emotional connector, but you can't always have it (re: just after pregnancy, injury, age...). We'd both seen couples end up overlooking major relationship problems because they had sex brain. We wanted a relationship that was strong without relying on sex and then let sex be simply something fun that bolsters the connection we already developed.”
User “Clemaine.” "It was awesome. I was so in love with my husband and so comfortable with him that there weren't any insecurities that I let get in the way. We had already opened up a great line of communication and everything went not as I had expected it, but perfectly all the same. I think the weirdest part of it was undoing my wedding dress because that bad boy had like 10982301928 buttons and lace and it took almost 10 minutes. Couldn't really... move forward until it was off.”
User “MurphyRaggae.” "Bad bad bad. My ex was a virgin and I was, let's say, a born again virgin. Not born again Christian, but I was religious for a bit.
The wedding night was AWFUL. We had dated for almost two years and everything leading up to sex was great so I thought that the chemistry was there. It wasn't. It never got better. He would laugh when he orgasmed. LAUGHED. He couldn't help it. And he was awkward, we were just not well suited for each other for many reasons but I was in love with him and that love didn't help the sex.
Sex is important. I'm remarried now. We lived together and had sex before marriage and it made a huge difference. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.”
The wedding night was AWFUL. We had dated for almost two years and everything leading up to sex was great so I thought that the chemistry was there. It wasn't. It never got better. He would laugh when he orgasmed. LAUGHED. He couldn't help it. And he was awkward, we were just not well suited for each other for many reasons but I was in love with him and that love didn't help the sex.
Sex is important. I'm remarried now. We lived together and had sex before marriage and it made a huge difference. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into.”
Anonymous. "We weren't virgins when we met, but we decided to wait until marriage as we had both become religious since our previous relationships. We were together for 20 months before we were married. That first time was absolutely awful. I was nervous, he was very early, and I bled everywhere.
Thankfully, we got a lot of practice on the honeymoon and came home as professionals.”
Thankfully, we got a lot of practice on the honeymoon and came home as professionals.”
Anonymous. "A little scary, but not because of the act of sex. Sex is simple. It's simple, but not the same for everyone. What if you find out you're not sexually compatible with this person? What if they like it rough and you like it slow? What if the size of the rod and socket don't match up and it's unfulfilling or painful? What if one of you discovers that they just plain don't like sex? Sex and sexual/romantic attraction is what makes lovers different than siblings. People can talk a rough game about how 'oh whatever sex isn't all there is to life'. No, it isn't, but it's important, and to leave anything important totally untested and unknown until you're married and thus committed both morally and legally to another person is a very high-stakes gamble."
Anonymous. "In our case it worked out fine, though. We still did sexual things before we got married. Like I said, sex itself is not hard, it's really not. There's a penis and a vagina and they go together. You'll both figure out the rest as you go. But the not knowing was the scary part. Best advice is to not treat the first few times you have sex like some storybook romantic sh*t. Treat it like fun experimentation. Talk to each other the whole time and what's working and not working."
User “justthewayyouare.” "My husband and I waited until our wedding night and it was amazing. Nobody is a pro the first time around but we both came so I'd call that a success! I had stretched and I knew my body and we communicated when we needed to and he went slow. We had an amazing honeymoon and five years later the sex is even better! We understand that our way isn't for everyone but neither of us has felt we missed out by not sleeping with other people and we are happy together and I think that's what matters.”
User “HippoWord.” "My husband and I had dated for 2 years (lived together for 6 months of that) before we got married and while we were dating we didn't do anything sexual. Kissing was it, no heavy petting or anything else like that just kissing. We waited for several reasons the main ones being, I had been sexually abused as a child and really didn't want to have sex, we both wanted to have sex with someone special, and a small amount of religious reasons. Looking back we think it was the right thing for us. We needed to learn to communicate with each other and we spent our dating years doing just that. That solid base made things easier when complications arose when we tried having sex. Due to the sexual abuse and later I realized there was feelings of guilt(yey religious guilt!) I could not relax so he could not go in, my husband is a little above average in size, so I mean he REALLY couldn't go in."
User “HippoWord.” "After much reading and talking we decided to take things super slow. Now this is where the heavy petting comes in. It took three months of us working together but we eventually were able to have sex, and it was great. Oh, and my poor husband did not have to deal with blue balls those three months, I gave him a hand job whenever he wanted one (pretty much daily). All the talking and working together we had to do made it easier to talk when we wanted to try more things during sex. My husband is my best friend and I am his, for us waiting turned out to be the right thing."
User “HippoWord.” "It is a firm belief of mine that you do not need to make sure you are sexually compatible before getting married. If you focus on making your partner feel good and your partner does the same then you are as compatible as they come. When I say that I mean find out what your partner likes and do that. I am not the biggest fan of giving blow jobs, but I do surprise my husband with them or give him one when he requests it. Relationships are a give and take and to us sex is the same.”
User “Inaudibletyrant.” "My wife and I both waited. I do regret waiting sometimes... She does not regret it. We've been married just over two years and I'm pretty sure her drive is almost non-existent. She'll do it to please me; but it is a chore. Also, it physically hurts her still to penetrate, yet she'll never play with her 'toy' and we've had penetration sex twice this year so far. I'm hopeful it will get better but I'm struggling inside. My mind constantly wonders what a healthy sex life would be like."
User “toonewtothis.” "We waited until we were married to have sex. Honestly, it's part of why we were married so young (we were both 21). I believe we would have gotten married either way, but it probably played a roll in how quickly we got married. What was it like? Awkward and uncomfortable. And honestly, just a bit painful. But it was great, too. Even through the discomfort, I knew that it felt good, and I could tell the good sensations were there, I just had to get used to things first. Neither of us regret waiting. We had a great honeymoon, although there were very few adventures outdoors. Now, 10 years later, we're still married, still have a great sense of romance. Our sexuality has grown together - we've been just a bit adventurous and have recently started trying new things together. We communicate with each other about our needs or our desires to try something new or different. It's worked out great for us.”
User “PhillyWick.” "Just got married about 6 weeks ago, and my wife and I were both virgins. We had kissed/made out with past relationships and each other, but never further than that.
Honestly, the sex is great! The first time we had to take it slow and it was a little awkward as we both had to figure out how to make it work well for both of us. It's just been getting better every time and I don't regret it at all. There's a special intimacy you feel in knowing that she's the only one I've ever had sex with and vice-versa, and the shared experience of "figuring out" sex is something special that we share.
I have a good number of friends who also have all waited until marriage for sex, and none of them have been "sexually incompatible" as people often cite as a reason for not waiting. The truth is, if you both are open, honest, and selfless with your approach to sex, there's really nothing to be worried about.
Sure, some people have issues/emotional baggage, but it's not impossible to work through that stuff, and if you really love the person, you'll want to help work through that with them anyway.
The bottom line is that if you're both selfless in marriage, things will work out just fine."
Honestly, the sex is great! The first time we had to take it slow and it was a little awkward as we both had to figure out how to make it work well for both of us. It's just been getting better every time and I don't regret it at all. There's a special intimacy you feel in knowing that she's the only one I've ever had sex with and vice-versa, and the shared experience of "figuring out" sex is something special that we share.
I have a good number of friends who also have all waited until marriage for sex, and none of them have been "sexually incompatible" as people often cite as a reason for not waiting. The truth is, if you both are open, honest, and selfless with your approach to sex, there's really nothing to be worried about.
Sure, some people have issues/emotional baggage, but it's not impossible to work through that stuff, and if you really love the person, you'll want to help work through that with them anyway.
The bottom line is that if you're both selfless in marriage, things will work out just fine."
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