Period. Nicole Zub writes via xo Jane about how the first time she had oral sex, she was on her period, but despite that, her boyfriend insisted on going down on her.
Experience. Zub was a late bloomer and at 16, had never been kissed. She didn’t know what to expect when it came to sex, but trusted that her more experienced, older boyfriend would lead her in the right direction.
Patient. "I patiently awaited the day when my first boyfriend would come into my life, ready to put my single days behind me,” writes Zub, via xo Jane.
Rumors. Finally, Zub’s chance to have a boyfriend came when she heard rumors that an older boy was into her. Feeling determined to get her first kiss, Zub approached him and struck up conversation.
Romantic. "I can't even remember where we had our first real kiss. It certainly wasn't as romantic as I imagined it to be. I just felt immensely grateful that a boy had given me the time of day, let alone an older, more experienced boy,” writes Zub.
Curious. Like most teenage boys, Zub’s new boyfriend, Ben, was sexually curious and had a high sex drive. He was constantly watching adult films and asking Zub to try out new things with him.
Normal. "One time, he asked me to perform a foot job, a scene from one of the videos he had recently come across. I knew this wasn’t exactly the 'normal' sexual activity any of my friends were doing, but I loved him and I figured that was what he wanted,” writes Zub.
Period. Then, one day while the pair were home alone, Ben sprung it on Zub that he wanted to go down on her. While Zub may have been just as curious as Ben, she told him she was on her period and didn’t think it’d be the best idea.
Expectations. However, Ben persisted and after thinking about it, Zub decided to go alone with it. She removed her tampon in the bathroom and came back into the room, unsure of what to expect.
Discomfort. "There was nothing enjoyable about it. I lay there still as possible, waiting desperately for it to be over,” writes Zub.
Body. But things didn’t end well after that. Ben left after a few minutes and told Zub he was disgusted. Zub was crushed and from then on, felt uncomfortable about her body even years after her relationship with Ben was over.
Consequences. "The next person I dated after him didn't even come close to performing oral sex on me. I wouldn't let him near it. Subsequent relationships suffered the same consequences, and when I finally did let it happen again, an orgasm was the furthest thing from my mind,” writes Zub.
Therapy. Eventually, Zub came to terms with the fact that her first bad experience with oral sex hadn’t been her fault. Zub was able to get therapy and eventually found the right guy that she felt sexually comfortable with.
Powerful. "When I eventually learned to relax, I was startled by how beautiful and powerful my vagina truly is, even during my period,” writes Zub, via xo Jane.
Breakthrough. Finally, after years of struggling, Zub was able to enjoy all types of sex again, without feeling ashamed or uncomfortable.
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