What Counts As Sex?

How to distinguish between having sex and messing around. Definitions vary.
What constitutes sex and what doesn't? Fifteen years after Lewinskygate you'd think we'd all have it figured out, but it seems we don't. Teenagers who haven't had intercourse are having oral sex and calling themselves virgins. Heterosexual couples who are in the early throes of a relationship say they still haven't gone all the way even if they've heavily petted. And average Americans are still writing letters like this one to Savage Love:
My wife and I were recently regaling each other with anecdotes from our past, and she easily had the most interesting story: It seems that when she was a young woman in college a fellow student invited her over for lunch. He quickly had her clothes off and was kissing her, although he was still dressed. Then he brought out a vibrator. He applied the vibrator, she had an orgasm, and then she called a halt to the proceedings. Did she have sex? Now, I think anytime you've had an orgasm you've had sex. My wife's view is since he never got his clothes off and she never saw his cock, she didn't really have sex.


Dan Savage, in his Savage Love way, said that, yes indeedee, the wife had had sex as surely as the writer would have had sex if Dan had jerked him off while stimulating his prostate. Why? Because if such an act was videotaped and then played back for one's partner, the partner would never say: "At least you didn't have sex with him!" Oral Sex: Love It or Hate It?
In an amusing sort of way, we like Dan's answer, but we still don't think it's as simple as all that. After all, we've been told for years that sex is something you can get pregnant from (and last we checked, you could not get pregnant from a vibrator or oral sex or anal sex for that matter). We've also been told that gay people have sex, but we also know darn well that gay sex does not involve any risk of pregnancy. And then there is the whole orgasm argument (made by the writer above), which states that if you've had an orgasm, you've had sex. But if that was the case, millions of women around the world who've had babies would still be virgins. Does The Venus Butterfly Guarantee An Orgasm?
A grittier definition of sex might be any activity from which you might contract an STD. Of course, that doesn't exactly fly either, considering you can get HPV and herpes from genital-to-genital contact, without any penetration or oral sex.

And then there's the active participant thing: If the other person does all the work (as in Lewinskygate and the vibrator story above), is the recipient actually partaking in sex, or just receiving a nice, pleasurable present? Or is it the other way around: is the service provider just a provider, and not in fact partaking in sex?
We don't want to tell you what is sex and what isn't. But we do know this: sexual activity includes pretty much everything laid out here, and a lot more. And maybe, the best way of settling this whole argument of what constitutes sex and what doesn't would be for us to start using the term sexual activity instead of sex. Everyone, after all, knows what that is. And they know if they've partaken in it themselves.

Your Brain On Sex: 4 Ways To Use Human Physiology In Your Bedroom

Learn how to use your most powerful organ — your brain — to have smarter sex.
Consider this scenario: You and your man have been looking forward to this moment all week. Flirty emails at work, emoticon-laced texts at 1 a.m., and finally, on Friday night, a long boozy dinner followed by a makeout session on the way back to his place.
But, when you're finally in bed, (more than) ready to get it started, you get distracted. "Oh no! I forgot to send that email for work!" Suddenly, all the foreplay in the world can't seem to connect your brain with your vagina.
It's happened to the best of us. And according to the latest brain science, it's no surprise. In the past ten years, advances in brain-imaging technology have allowed scientists to see first-hand the avalanche of chemical activity in the brain during sex. The brain truly is the the center of desire. So what exactly have they learned? And how can you use it to avoid the situation above? YourTango reports.

Look To Buddha For Better Orgasms
In 2003, Dutch neuroscientist Gert Holstege measured brain activity in women while their partners stimulated them to orgasm. He found that key parts of their brains went "silent" during the big "O," specifically, the parts of the prefrontal cortex involved in self-control and social judgment. For anyone who's had an orgasm — or been mentally distracted so that they can't have an orgasm — this makes sense. "If you're thinking, 'I look fat,''‘Is that mole in my leg gross?' or 'Am I making a weird face?!' you might have trouble 

reaching orgasm," says Kayt Sukel, author of This Is Your Brain on Sex. Dr. Kristin Mark, Ph.D., a sex and relationships researcher at the University of Kentucky, agrees: "There is a connection between inability to orgasm and inability to give up control. Practicing mindfulness, being in the moment, is something that can vastly improve ability to orgasm. When individuals have trouble orgasming, it is often a mental block, and much more rarely something physiological going on. So by giving up control of the situation, being present in the moment and really focusing on the arousing sensations, an orgasm is much more likely to occur."
Break Free Of The Big O

When you have an orgasm, your dopamine levels soar — producing the full-body euphoria that causes humans to seek out sex again and again. To wit, brain scan studies show that the brain during orgasm is 95 percent the same as the brain on heroin. But after orgasm, dopamine levels fall dramatically, and this change in brain chemistry can last for up to two weeks. "During this slow, somewhat erratic, return to neurochemical homeostasis after orgasm, it's not unusual to experience intermittent sensations of neediness, irritability, intense horniness and so forth," says Marnia Robinson, the author of Cupid's Poison Arrow: From Habit to Harmony in Sexual Relationships. For some people, that means dopamine-seeking behaviors, such as overeating or compulsive shopping. The fluctuations in dopamine have also been blamed for our tendency to seek out new and novel sexual partners when things have cooled off in the bedroom with a long-term mate. Keep reading...

HOT SEX TIP - Warm feet and orgasms

Did you know… Women are more likely to orgasm if their feet are warm. Scientists from the University of Groningen say that a woman will be 30% more likely to have an orgasm if her feet are warm. As a woman I can attest: Cold feet in bed are a distraction and warmed feet are a luxury.
So men, think about -
• massaging your partner’s feet with warm oil as part of your foreplay
• cozying her feet in a heated microwaveable massage wrap
• pre-heat her foot of the bed with the heating pad.
• or surprise her with a new ’sex toy’ – a pair of those soft and warm microfiber fuzzy socks.

There’s another aspect that’s even more significant than any of these suggestions: When you pamper your lover it opens her heart deepening the emotional intimacy, which allows her to relax more into her sexuality. But, here’s the thing: When you routinely pamper her in the same ways, it becomes more ‘routine’ and less ‘pampering.’

So, get creative. Think about what else would add to her comfort and enjoyment: a new scented massage lotion, fur mitten, relaxing music, a fuzzy throw, warmed room, decadent chocolate snack… And, when you routinely pamper her in new, innovative ways, anticipation is added to the mix – a super aphrodisiac!

Are You Having Great Sex Or Maintenance Sex?

Great sex is different from what might be called maintenance sex. Both are important and necessary.
For some people, just being able to have any sex at all is considered "great." For others, great sex must transport the partners to a state of blissful oneness of body, mind, and spirit. For most people, great sex is any sex that brings a deep sense of satisfaction and fulfillment to both partners. What does great sex mean to you?
Why Can't Sex Be Simple?
Why all the fussing and fretting about sex? Why can't sex be simple? Well, it could be, if the human mind didn't have the tendency to want to be in control of the human body. Most people have been taught to trust their minds and to ignore the messages from their bodies. All the major institutions of socialization—churches, schools, businesses, and even the family—teach you to control your impulses so you don't get into trouble or embarrass yourself or someone else.

As you get older, the mind begins to exert yet another type of control. You learn that it's not safe to do things that might offend or upset people. So you learn how to behave to get other peoples' approval. By the time you have your first adult sexual experience, the whole area of sexual relationships has gotten pretty complicated. You have learned numerous strategies for controlling yourself and for manipulating the opinions and feelings of others. This situation does not bode well for enjoying a lifetime of great sex.
In spite of this early conditioning, the life force remains strong. It just needs to be encouraged, and it will bounce back like those punching bag dolls with weight at their base. This article can help you get back into harmony with your own essential nature and reclaim your own life force. With a little patience and practice, your sex life can be transformed from something mundane or problematic to something wonderful and fun.
Not Just Maintenance Sex

Great sex is not just any sex at all. It is not what might be called "maintenance sex." Maintenance sex is what most people do most of the time when having sex—where partners perform sex more as a routine than as a conscious, intentional celebration of their love.
Maintenance sex is entirely acceptable, but it is not to be confused with sex that is really great. Maintenance sex generally involves some degree of compromise—a step or two down from one's ideal. Perhaps only one partner is in the mood, and the other complies. One of the partners may be trying to appease the other. Or maybe, at times, one or both partners simply want to do the minimum to maintain their sense of being sexually connected.

By contrast, great sex is usually transformative and healing for the partners. Partners feel loved and cherished, and all seems right with the world. Great sex can help us transcend our separateness from one another. We both become part of something larger—a spiritual connection that puts us in touch with the oneness of all creation. Great sex may not happen automatically, but it can be learned. To have great sex requires knowledge, skill, patience, time—and practice!

And Much, Much More
After having great sex, people often report that petty ego concerns and personality conflicts seem unimportant. Competitive ideas about feminine and masculine roles or responsibilities tend to fade. The stresses of "looking good," being in control, feeling separate or being "on guard" disappear. Great sex involves honesty, trust, letting go, merging, and just "being."
Great sex is not so much about technique as it is about presence. The most technically skilled lover is nothing without an open, trusting presence and attention to one's partner. Learning new positions, techniques, and tricks is only a vehicle for experiencing each other's presence in new ways.
Great sex is a type of intimate communication. It is one of the most important ways in which you, as a human being, share who you are with your partner. Really great sex is like melting or dissolving into the Divine, that universal state of oneness—with the lover and the universe—that gets you in touch with the sacredness of life.

Sex As a Metaphor For Life
One could say that how you "do" sex is a metaphor for how you "do" life. Your sexual relationships reflect the same habitual patterns and survival strategies, learned as a child, that you exhibit in other areas of your life—except these patterns are often even more pronounced in the sexual arena. If you want to change one or more of the habitual ways you react to things, sex is a good place to start.
If you have trouble asking for what you want, for example, sex is a good learning laboratory. It's an area of life that is so concrete. The feedback you get from your actions is clear: you either ask or you don't, and you either get what you asked for or you don't. With such clear and unequivocal feedback, learning is more likely to occur. And when you learn a basic life skill such as self-expression, this learning will easily transfer to the other areas of your life. It is the premise of my book that a life of consistently great sex is possible and that it can be fun to "train" your self to get there.
Beyond Your Wildest Dreams
Learning new sexual and sensual techniques can bring you more than simple physical pleasure. You may also find yourself feeling a sense of ongoing unity with your lover. Healing can occur not only with respect to your sexuality, but also in your faith and trust in life, your emotions, and your health. Your overall self-confidence will grow as you learn to communicate and understand one another better.
Sexual healing has vast ramifications. Whenever you experience healing of past blocks or inhibitions, you tend to become happier, more generous and more self-trusting. And you tend to pass this happiness on to those around you. When you feel loved, understood, orgasmically fulfilled, and connected, you become much more powerful as a human being. This is especially important for those women and men who were taught to suppress or deny their natural sexuality.

Open, honest intimacy is a key to great sex.
Relating, Not Controlling
Great sex cannot be controlled. You cannot manipulate yourself to want it. You cannot manipulate yourself to not want it. And you certainly cannot manipulate someone else to want it with you! If you are willing to be open about what you do want, without attempting to control the outcome, then you may just get it. If you want to have great sex, don't have sex out of obligation, and don't ever force it upon your partner.
There is a basic principle governing intimate relationships that most people are just beginning to discover: when you try to make something happen the way your mind thinks it should happen, things rarely work out exactly as planned. The issue of "getting it up" or "getting it wet" are two good examples. The more you think and plan and strategize, the less "in your body" you are. You are in your head, or your mind. And when you are in your head, you're not very sexy.
Here's another way to say this: in any given moment, you can relate to the person you are with or you can try to control that person. You can be with what is actually going on—feeling what you feel and sharing this energy with your partner. That's relating. Or you can try to make yourself or your partner feel something that you don't, or maybe hide what you are feeling in the interest of creating a particular impression or getting a particular outcome. That's controlling.

In sex, as in other forms of human communion, relating works best. Controlling usually backfires. As you read my book, you will encounter numerous examples of how this principle works. The goal here is to help you enjoy great sex by learning to let down your guard, trust yourself, and, ultimately, trust life. Then, the need to control things that are not in your control anyway will fall away.
Honesty Is A Prerequisite For Intimacy
If you want to have an intimate relationship, not a superficial one, complete honesty is necessary. If you keep secrets from your partner, you are affirming that you cannot trust that this person has your best interests at heart. If you do not trust a person in this way, ask yourself, "Why would I want to have sex with this person?" If mistrust is present, it's a good idea to be honest about this. Often, honest communication reveals your own projections, baggage, or recurrent fears held over from childhood. Expressing them honestly can allow you get over them.
Your feelings of mistrust may reveal more about you than about your partner. This is one reason why it's good to share what you feel and think—so you can discover the hidden layers of truth about yourself that may lie underneath your feelings about your partner. Sometimes fears about telling the truth are based on false beliefs learned in childhood. Now that you are an adult, it's time to update your beliefs about what is really safe and what is really dangerous.
Risk-Taking Leads To Confidence
If you fear doing something that you really want to do, it may be usually a good idea to go ahead and take the risk. You may want to pause and honestly assess the risk before doing so, but more often than not, the risk will turn out to be more about damage to your ego than to your essential being. Most interpersonal risks are not life-threatening. Remember that fear is not a sign to turn back but rather a sign that you are moving into unknown territory. If you take the risk and survive, which you probably will even if it doesn't turn out as you'd hoped, your confidence will grow.

You Are Responsible
You are responsible for your own experience. Whatever you feel or think about another person is a mirror of where you are. If someone does something that upsets you, you are responsible for your feelings of being upset. Likewise, when you feel satisfied with something your partner did, you are responsible for that too. The other person does not "make" you happy. Likewise, he or she does not "make" you upset.
Your lover or partner is not responsible for your pleasure. You are. Learning about your own body—what you like, how you respond, and how to ask for what you want—are essential skills for great sex. Blaming your lover for not giving you orgasms or not doing it "right" will get you nowhere. Empower yourself to learn the skills to ask for what you want in a straightforward, loving, and truthful way.
Presence Is The Prize
The only time a relationship really works is when both people are in the here and now. This principle shows up most dramatically in sex and lovemaking. If your mind is on something else, you cannot make authentic contact. Presence is a prerequisite for great sex. And great sex is a pathway to greater presence. Practicing the exercises and suggestions in the e-book I'm introducing here will give you the tools you need to be more present during lovemaking and in each and every moment of your life.
Pleasure Is Your Birthright
Our bodies are pleasure instruments that need to be played to stay in tune. Why would nature have given you erogenous zones, if you weren't meant to do something with them? By learning to play that instrument, with all the skill you can develop, you train your body to receive great amounts of pleasure. When you know how to receive, your view of the world changes. You begin to see the world as benevolent and trustworthy. Then you give that energy back to the people in your life.

The Adventure Before You
The e-book I'm about to introduce (below) has been designed to be both a resource guide and an inspiration to you. It covers a vast array of information on anatomy, intimacy, relationship, latest discoveries, and fun sexual and sensual techniques. Good relationships and great sex go together, so you'll find both topics covered here.
You'll see how old attitudes from your past can block pleasure and honest self-expression. You'll have the opportunity for self-assessment so you can get up-to-date with yourself instead of operating from an outdated self-image. You will be guided to understand where you are now and to develop a plan for where you want to go. You'll have better tools to decide what you want out of life.
Sex is one of life's most wonderful gifts—whether, at any given moment, it is wonderful for you or not. It can be a great teacher. Although it can be fraught with anxiety and stress, it can also be easy, fun and relaxing. If you want to discover your highest potential for great sex, trust yourself and don't be afraid to try something new. If you do, one thing is for sure—your capacity for aliveness and pleasure will grow. To order my new e-book, Revitalizing Sexual Intimacy ($15US), contact me at my email address.

Top Aphrodisiacs For Him & Her: Part 3

Herbal aphrodisiacs are fun and effective ways of improving overall health....
c. 2012 Susun S Weed (Expert)
Author: Down There: Sexual & Reproductive Health the Wise Woman Way
Herbal aphrodisiacs are fun and effective ways of improving overall health in addition to amping up sexual health and vigor. In the past few installments, we have dabbled with potions of ginkgo, ginseng, ginger, guarana, damiana, potency wood, and yohimbe. Does this exhaust the list? Are there any interesting herbs left to go to bed with?

Yes, indeed. Many more. To start with, let’s get it on with two of the sexiest herbs I’ve ever met: oatstraw and marijuana. Post-menopausal women and mid-life men will find these two green allies of special interest to them.

Oatstraw (Avena sativa) is the grass of the plant that gives us oats. Oatstraw is only the stalks; it is free of grain and totally gluten free. We speak of people “sowing their wild oats” and “feeling their oats.” And when we drink oatstraw infusion, we are the ones sowing and feeling! Whoopee!

Oatstraw infusion is my favorite sexual tonic for both men and women, especially those older than fifty. Regular use of as little as 2 quarts a week for several weeks, improves blood flow to the genitals (and the heart), increases engorgement, amps up interest, rekindles desire, turns on the faucets of lubrication, counters environmental estrogens, and helps lower cholesterol, too 

Oatstraw infusion dependably increases testosterone, thus increasing libido and enjoyment for both men and women. As a nutritive nervine, oatstraw nourishes the nervous system, allowing it to carrying a greater charge of energy, which translates into stronger orgasms.

The minerals so lavishly present in oatstraw also build strong bones, stabilize blood sugar, and moderate mood swings. Oats and oatstraw are valued highly as heart tonics. Drink the infusion to reduce bad cholesterol, maintain good blood pressure, and improve circulation. And don’t forget that a healthy heart and healthy blood vessels are necessary for more pleasurable and longer orgasms.

Soothing, calming oatstraw is a boon companion for the grandparents and parents of newborns, as well as for the baby. Infusion of oatstraw improves digestion (happy baby), deepens sleep (happy parents), counters fatigue and muscle pain (happy grandpa), and even reduces headaches and hot flashes (happy grandma). There’s nothing quite like a glass of iced oatstraw infusion to bring a satisfied smile to the face, a blessed coolness to the heart, and a naughty thought to mind.

From China to South Africa, from the plains of North American to the steppes of Russia, wild oats is a common weed in all grain fields. If you give her a chance, Madame oatstraw would like to turn the desert between your legs into an oasis, with date palms and dancing girls.

Herbal aphrodisiacs are fun and effective ways of improving overall health....

Marijuana is a controversial herbal ally. Since being in jail is no so sexy, please be exceedingly careful if it is not yet legal in your state.

Cannabis sativa and Cannabis indica, like oats, grow wild wherever people cultivate crops. The mind-altering effects of smoking marijuana are quickly induced and rather quickly over as well, making it an ideal way to quiet the neocortex and make way for meditation, artistic expression, and sexual intimacy.

Smoking offers the most precise controls over the dose. Eating the herb or taking the tincture may result in inability to move, let alone have sex. And less is usually more when it comes to dose. Just enough to heighten the senses and quicken the impulses, but not so much as to make one lethargic, inattentive, or unresponsive. Stop after one toke, wait five minutes, and assess if more is needed.

Combining one toke of great smoke with tantric exercises heightens brain chemicals that make us feel very very good.  Try this one if you wish: Sit facing your lover, unclad or lightly clad. Look into each other’s eyes for a minute or two. Then each one place the palm of the right hand on the other’s heart. Begin to focus the breath through the hand. Become aware of the energy. Put your left hand on your lover’s right hand, which is on your heart. Keep breathing and looking into each other’s eyes. Stop when you wish, or move into more active lovemaking.

Coming up next, cunning commentary and penetrating penile insights on three herbs with funny-sounding names: fenugreek, schizandra, and tribulus.

3 Reasons Why Faking Orgasms Is RUINING Your Love Life (And His!)

"Fake it 'till you make it" does NOT apply here, ladies.
Let gets straight to the point — Faking an orgasm is one of THE most destructive things you can do in your relationship.
According to a recent Cosmo survey, 67 percent of women between the ages 19-40 have faked orgasms. Meaning that even the younger generation of so-called 'liberated' women are still sexually disempowered.
The survey also revealed that these orgasm deprived women are having sex with men who do orgasm 95 percent of the time. What?!!
Clearly, somewhere along the way there has truly been a major break down in communication between males and females!
Thankfully, there is a way to solve this problem — EDUCATION!
The media today objectifies women by creating a fantasy of the "ideal woman." That woman has big breasts, a tiny waist, long perfectly-shaped legs. This "ideal" (and feeling they fall short of it) creates performance anxiety in women, something that we once believed only existed in men.

Adding to this anxiety, many women hear their friends describe "mind-blowing" orgasms and never stop to question if their friends truthfully experience them or are faking it, too. Instead they believe their friends tales of wild sex and immediately assume that they've doing something wrong!
With the constant flood of pressuring external influences, I'm surprised the percentage of woman who fake orgasm isn't actually higher than 67 percent!
We need to know that the media is wrong about "the ideal woman" and that our sexiness derives from our energy, attitude and self-esteem. Often times our minds are too busy comparing ourselves to the common fantasy to truly relax and find comfort in our real bodies. Only when you're relaxed can you truly and fully experience arousal and pleasure.
When a woman becomes authentically aroused, she is the most appealing she can possibly be to her man — and everybody wins!

Therefore, women must master being fully present in their bodies, in order to experience the REAL orgasm(s) they desire.
It's no secret that there is a difference in timing, between men and women, during sex. Men can ignite their libido with their minds, their thoughts create an instant reaction in their genitals and they're ready to go. While, his lady may just be warming up. This means that unless they're paying attention to the state of the woman's arousal, they will reach orgasm without her. And often, as those surveys show, they don't make sure she gets there too.
My tantric teacher used to say, "men are like toasters, and women are like ovens" — women might take longer to cook, but they can keep cooking for a long time once they're hot!

This difference in timing requires clear communication. If a woman tells her lover what feels good during lovemaking and he's willing to listen, then this challenge is fixable. However, some women find it very difficult to vocalize their needs during sex because they don't want to offend their lover or come across as too demanding (plus society shames women who express their sexuality openly). So instead women "fake it."

But truthfully asking for what you want builds trust in the relationship.
Meanwhile, faking orgasms does a disservice to both women and men, in three critical ways:
It creates a pattern of dishonesty between the couple.
By never learning what his woman needs to reach real orgasm, the man is set up to fail.
Neither partner experiences the deep sexual and relational satisfaction they deserve because they're always wondering what is true in their most intimate encounters.
It's actually understandable why women fake orgasms. But understandable and healthy are not the same thing. Some women afraid they might never have one and others decide to make him feel like a winner by "coming" quickly … so he can boast, "I'm so good I made a woman come in 10 minutes."
The problem is, this gives the man the wrong information about how to please his partner in a way that brings her to a REAL orgasm. And this is actually more damaging to your man in the long run. (How embarrassed do you think he'll feel when he finds out you've faked it all along?)

The best sex tends to happen when both partners feel relaxed and are paying attention to each other's body language. Looking into each other's eyes helps too, allowing you to tune into one another deeply. This real heart-to-heart connection nourishes your love making.
So where do you begin shifting away from faking it to receiving pleasure for real?
Remember, you're making love, not "racing to orgasm." Teach your man to focus on the present and match your pace, slowing down and just concentrating on your breath. (Men, here's a hint: When she starts breathing deeply she's very relaxed and turned on.)
Love making should never feel heavy — it's light, so don't forget to have fun. When you try something new, if it doesn't work, laugh, be playful and move on to the next thing.

Remember to reassure each other afterwards, this helps to build trust. After the lovemaking is over, talk about what was especially pleasurable.
It's important that when making love both partners feel free to express their desires. If you love someone, you want them to experience an orgasm; communicate with one another, in order to give each other the pleasure you both deserve.

I Went To School To Learn How To Orgasm Better

Could a six-week course help me achieve a bigger O? Only one way to find out.
I'm lying down on the floor, trying to make my hooha "dance". I'm not sure if she's really dancing but she is grinding to Nine Inch Nails' "Closer". No, I am not in some new age dance class. I'm in search of a better orgasm.
While I can come without fail, thanks to the help of my favorite hot pink Rabbit vibrator, sex-induced orgasms are a little trickier to achieve. Maybe it's because I've had a lifetime of Jacuzzi and vibrator-induced orgasms. Maybe it's because with my vibrator I can choose to use it when I'm in the mood. With my boyfriend, it's a little different. I do it when I'm tired, annoyed at him, or not feeling it. But no matter how a session in the sack starts, I always want to come. Which presents me with a serious predicament: blue vagina.

So I was intrigued when I heard about OrgasmicBliss.com. It's a six-week online course that teaches women how to excel at the art of climaxing. Tantra practitioner and orgasm whisperer Layla Martin hopes to strip away the layers of repression keeping us from experiencing our full orgasmic pleasure. In the course women learn how to use their body chemistry, pelvic floor and breathing to enhance their orgasms. The end result? Sexual goddess. The only catch? It's a whopping $180. Is it worth dropping the dough for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss? Only one way to find out.
Somewhat skeptical, but intrigued, I signed myself up.
I've always been pretty in touch with my body. Besides my early forays into masturbation, I was a dancer in high school and I've practiced yoga for years. Even on my most bloated, fat-feeling days, I've never been self-conscious when it comes to having sex. Not even periods have stopped me. Like the mailman, nothing stops me, not rain, snow, or rivers of blood. My need to get off has always taken priority over everything else short of nuclear war. So I wasn't quite sure if Orgasmic Bliss could really take me to the next level, but in the name of more orgasms I was willing to try it out.
First stop: The Honey Pot. In doing the exercise, I was instructed to visualize what I wanted what I wanted to bring to my sexual center; love, health, or confidence for example. The only thing I've ever thought of bringing to my sexual center was a vibrator. Or a penis. Realizing perhaps I've been too literal in my approach, I welcomed a new way of looking at nether regions. I decided I wanted to bring vulnerability and sensuality.

A strange choice, you might say but I figured if I was ever going to come on the reg without the intense vibes of a Rabbit I needed to open myself to a softer approach.

I wanted to be less Sasha Fierce and more Beyonce with no makeup. After a few minutes, I was done thinking about my vagina and on to emptying the dishwasher. I didn't feel any different yet, but I also didn't have sex yet. I couldn't wait to explore all my new found experiences with my boyfriend.
In the coming lessons, I would explore "Pussy Breathing" ("breathing" from my vagina), the "Sexy Squeeze" (Kegels), "Inner Smiling" (smiling to myself), and "Emotional Theater" (releasing negative emotions) among many others. My favorites were the more physical activities like breast massage, mostly because it felt pretty good, which left me thinking I should do it more often.
On the other hand, "Pelvic Streaming" left me bored and asleep. I lay there waiting for my pelvis to feel something; fireworks, tingles, anything. But unfortunately my pelvis was dead silent. She wasn't even whispering. Before I knew it I was asleep on my yoga mat with drool dripping out the right side of my mouth. 

During "Alchemical Love" I couldn't help but think, what the hell am I doing?
I was trying to envision my goddess energy pulsating through my veins while simultaneously trying not to feel like a whacked out hippie searching for make believe mysticism. Next thing you know I'd be using crystals to clear my chakras and sage to get rid of the negative energy. But in spite of my reservations, I was curious to see how all this would pan out with my boyfriend. He had been out of town when I started my orgasmic adventure, which allowed me enough time to fully absorb all of my lessons. So now that he was back would I be able to come more easily?
Eager to participate, M threw me on my back, pulled my legs above his shoulders, and went it for it. I was shocked and surprised to realize how intense it felt. Normally it's a position I can get into right away (unlike the sideways straddle, now that is intense) but this time it felt like going from 0 to 60.
Like when I accidentally turn up my vibrator to high instead of starting slow. I made him stop and switch to missionary so I could ease into it. Even oral sex felt intensified. I felt myself getting aroused in half the time; a plus for me since I'm used to the almighty Rabbit.

Could it be that the course had worked?
I realized that for years I had been zoning out during sex. I don't find myself worrying about waking up early or meeting that deadline when I'm doing it. I'm fully in the moment, but that doesn't mean I’m focused. I had been kind of lazy when it came to the big O. Stick a vibrator in and let it work its magic. Or just push a guy south and see what happens. If I could get off great, if not then I assumed it was them not me.
I had put little effort into doing my daily Kegels or fantasizing on how much I was enjoying the sensations. This time as M went downtown I actually focused on each flick of the tongue relishing in how good it felt. Let's just say my clitoris was happier than she had been in a long time.
Maybe Orgasmic Bliss did improve my orgasmic potential by bringing a new level of awareness to my body. Or maybe it was those daily Kegels. One thing is for sure: Next time I need a little orgasmic pick-me-up I won't be fantasizing about my inner goddess. I'll be squeezing those muscles instead.