Top Aphrodisiacs For Him & Her: Part 3

Herbal aphrodisiacs are fun and effective ways of improving overall health....
c. 2012 Susun S Weed (Expert)
Author: Down There: Sexual & Reproductive Health the Wise Woman Way
Herbal aphrodisiacs are fun and effective ways of improving overall health in addition to amping up sexual health and vigor. In the past few installments, we have dabbled with potions of ginkgo, ginseng, ginger, guarana, damiana, potency wood, and yohimbe. Does this exhaust the list? Are there any interesting herbs left to go to bed with?

Yes, indeed. Many more. To start with, let’s get it on with two of the sexiest herbs I’ve ever met: oatstraw and marijuana. Post-menopausal women and mid-life men will find these two green allies of special interest to them.

Oatstraw (Avena sativa) is the grass of the plant that gives us oats. Oatstraw is only the stalks; it is free of grain and totally gluten free. We speak of people “sowing their wild oats” and “feeling their oats.” And when we drink oatstraw infusion, we are the ones sowing and feeling! Whoopee!

Oatstraw infusion is my favorite sexual tonic for both men and women, especially those older than fifty. Regular use of as little as 2 quarts a week for several weeks, improves blood flow to the genitals (and the heart), increases engorgement, amps up interest, rekindles desire, turns on the faucets of lubrication, counters environmental estrogens, and helps lower cholesterol, too 

Oatstraw infusion dependably increases testosterone, thus increasing libido and enjoyment for both men and women. As a nutritive nervine, oatstraw nourishes the nervous system, allowing it to carrying a greater charge of energy, which translates into stronger orgasms.

The minerals so lavishly present in oatstraw also build strong bones, stabilize blood sugar, and moderate mood swings. Oats and oatstraw are valued highly as heart tonics. Drink the infusion to reduce bad cholesterol, maintain good blood pressure, and improve circulation. And don’t forget that a healthy heart and healthy blood vessels are necessary for more pleasurable and longer orgasms.

Soothing, calming oatstraw is a boon companion for the grandparents and parents of newborns, as well as for the baby. Infusion of oatstraw improves digestion (happy baby), deepens sleep (happy parents), counters fatigue and muscle pain (happy grandpa), and even reduces headaches and hot flashes (happy grandma). There’s nothing quite like a glass of iced oatstraw infusion to bring a satisfied smile to the face, a blessed coolness to the heart, and a naughty thought to mind.

From China to South Africa, from the plains of North American to the steppes of Russia, wild oats is a common weed in all grain fields. If you give her a chance, Madame oatstraw would like to turn the desert between your legs into an oasis, with date palms and dancing girls.

Herbal aphrodisiacs are fun and effective ways of improving overall health....

Marijuana is a controversial herbal ally. Since being in jail is no so sexy, please be exceedingly careful if it is not yet legal in your state.

Cannabis sativa and Cannabis indica, like oats, grow wild wherever people cultivate crops. The mind-altering effects of smoking marijuana are quickly induced and rather quickly over as well, making it an ideal way to quiet the neocortex and make way for meditation, artistic expression, and sexual intimacy.

Smoking offers the most precise controls over the dose. Eating the herb or taking the tincture may result in inability to move, let alone have sex. And less is usually more when it comes to dose. Just enough to heighten the senses and quicken the impulses, but not so much as to make one lethargic, inattentive, or unresponsive. Stop after one toke, wait five minutes, and assess if more is needed.

Combining one toke of great smoke with tantric exercises heightens brain chemicals that make us feel very very good.  Try this one if you wish: Sit facing your lover, unclad or lightly clad. Look into each other’s eyes for a minute or two. Then each one place the palm of the right hand on the other’s heart. Begin to focus the breath through the hand. Become aware of the energy. Put your left hand on your lover’s right hand, which is on your heart. Keep breathing and looking into each other’s eyes. Stop when you wish, or move into more active lovemaking.

Coming up next, cunning commentary and penetrating penile insights on three herbs with funny-sounding names: fenugreek, schizandra, and tribulus.

3 Reasons Why Faking Orgasms Is RUINING Your Love Life (And His!)

"Fake it 'till you make it" does NOT apply here, ladies.
Let gets straight to the point — Faking an orgasm is one of THE most destructive things you can do in your relationship.
According to a recent Cosmo survey, 67 percent of women between the ages 19-40 have faked orgasms. Meaning that even the younger generation of so-called 'liberated' women are still sexually disempowered.
The survey also revealed that these orgasm deprived women are having sex with men who do orgasm 95 percent of the time. What?!!
Clearly, somewhere along the way there has truly been a major break down in communication between males and females!
Thankfully, there is a way to solve this problem — EDUCATION!
The media today objectifies women by creating a fantasy of the "ideal woman." That woman has big breasts, a tiny waist, long perfectly-shaped legs. This "ideal" (and feeling they fall short of it) creates performance anxiety in women, something that we once believed only existed in men.

Adding to this anxiety, many women hear their friends describe "mind-blowing" orgasms and never stop to question if their friends truthfully experience them or are faking it, too. Instead they believe their friends tales of wild sex and immediately assume that they've doing something wrong!
With the constant flood of pressuring external influences, I'm surprised the percentage of woman who fake orgasm isn't actually higher than 67 percent!
We need to know that the media is wrong about "the ideal woman" and that our sexiness derives from our energy, attitude and self-esteem. Often times our minds are too busy comparing ourselves to the common fantasy to truly relax and find comfort in our real bodies. Only when you're relaxed can you truly and fully experience arousal and pleasure.
When a woman becomes authentically aroused, she is the most appealing she can possibly be to her man — and everybody wins!

Therefore, women must master being fully present in their bodies, in order to experience the REAL orgasm(s) they desire.
It's no secret that there is a difference in timing, between men and women, during sex. Men can ignite their libido with their minds, their thoughts create an instant reaction in their genitals and they're ready to go. While, his lady may just be warming up. This means that unless they're paying attention to the state of the woman's arousal, they will reach orgasm without her. And often, as those surveys show, they don't make sure she gets there too.
My tantric teacher used to say, "men are like toasters, and women are like ovens" — women might take longer to cook, but they can keep cooking for a long time once they're hot!

This difference in timing requires clear communication. If a woman tells her lover what feels good during lovemaking and he's willing to listen, then this challenge is fixable. However, some women find it very difficult to vocalize their needs during sex because they don't want to offend their lover or come across as too demanding (plus society shames women who express their sexuality openly). So instead women "fake it."

But truthfully asking for what you want builds trust in the relationship.
Meanwhile, faking orgasms does a disservice to both women and men, in three critical ways:
It creates a pattern of dishonesty between the couple.
By never learning what his woman needs to reach real orgasm, the man is set up to fail.
Neither partner experiences the deep sexual and relational satisfaction they deserve because they're always wondering what is true in their most intimate encounters.
It's actually understandable why women fake orgasms. But understandable and healthy are not the same thing. Some women afraid they might never have one and others decide to make him feel like a winner by "coming" quickly … so he can boast, "I'm so good I made a woman come in 10 minutes."
The problem is, this gives the man the wrong information about how to please his partner in a way that brings her to a REAL orgasm. And this is actually more damaging to your man in the long run. (How embarrassed do you think he'll feel when he finds out you've faked it all along?)

The best sex tends to happen when both partners feel relaxed and are paying attention to each other's body language. Looking into each other's eyes helps too, allowing you to tune into one another deeply. This real heart-to-heart connection nourishes your love making.
So where do you begin shifting away from faking it to receiving pleasure for real?
Remember, you're making love, not "racing to orgasm." Teach your man to focus on the present and match your pace, slowing down and just concentrating on your breath. (Men, here's a hint: When she starts breathing deeply she's very relaxed and turned on.)
Love making should never feel heavy — it's light, so don't forget to have fun. When you try something new, if it doesn't work, laugh, be playful and move on to the next thing.

Remember to reassure each other afterwards, this helps to build trust. After the lovemaking is over, talk about what was especially pleasurable.
It's important that when making love both partners feel free to express their desires. If you love someone, you want them to experience an orgasm; communicate with one another, in order to give each other the pleasure you both deserve.

I Went To School To Learn How To Orgasm Better

Could a six-week course help me achieve a bigger O? Only one way to find out.
I'm lying down on the floor, trying to make my hooha "dance". I'm not sure if she's really dancing but she is grinding to Nine Inch Nails' "Closer". No, I am not in some new age dance class. I'm in search of a better orgasm.
While I can come without fail, thanks to the help of my favorite hot pink Rabbit vibrator, sex-induced orgasms are a little trickier to achieve. Maybe it's because I've had a lifetime of Jacuzzi and vibrator-induced orgasms. Maybe it's because with my vibrator I can choose to use it when I'm in the mood. With my boyfriend, it's a little different. I do it when I'm tired, annoyed at him, or not feeling it. But no matter how a session in the sack starts, I always want to come. Which presents me with a serious predicament: blue vagina.

So I was intrigued when I heard about OrgasmicBliss.com. It's a six-week online course that teaches women how to excel at the art of climaxing. Tantra practitioner and orgasm whisperer Layla Martin hopes to strip away the layers of repression keeping us from experiencing our full orgasmic pleasure. In the course women learn how to use their body chemistry, pelvic floor and breathing to enhance their orgasms. The end result? Sexual goddess. The only catch? It's a whopping $180. Is it worth dropping the dough for a lifetime of orgasmic bliss? Only one way to find out.
Somewhat skeptical, but intrigued, I signed myself up.
I've always been pretty in touch with my body. Besides my early forays into masturbation, I was a dancer in high school and I've practiced yoga for years. Even on my most bloated, fat-feeling days, I've never been self-conscious when it comes to having sex. Not even periods have stopped me. Like the mailman, nothing stops me, not rain, snow, or rivers of blood. My need to get off has always taken priority over everything else short of nuclear war. So I wasn't quite sure if Orgasmic Bliss could really take me to the next level, but in the name of more orgasms I was willing to try it out.
First stop: The Honey Pot. In doing the exercise, I was instructed to visualize what I wanted what I wanted to bring to my sexual center; love, health, or confidence for example. The only thing I've ever thought of bringing to my sexual center was a vibrator. Or a penis. Realizing perhaps I've been too literal in my approach, I welcomed a new way of looking at nether regions. I decided I wanted to bring vulnerability and sensuality.

A strange choice, you might say but I figured if I was ever going to come on the reg without the intense vibes of a Rabbit I needed to open myself to a softer approach.

I wanted to be less Sasha Fierce and more Beyonce with no makeup. After a few minutes, I was done thinking about my vagina and on to emptying the dishwasher. I didn't feel any different yet, but I also didn't have sex yet. I couldn't wait to explore all my new found experiences with my boyfriend.
In the coming lessons, I would explore "Pussy Breathing" ("breathing" from my vagina), the "Sexy Squeeze" (Kegels), "Inner Smiling" (smiling to myself), and "Emotional Theater" (releasing negative emotions) among many others. My favorites were the more physical activities like breast massage, mostly because it felt pretty good, which left me thinking I should do it more often.
On the other hand, "Pelvic Streaming" left me bored and asleep. I lay there waiting for my pelvis to feel something; fireworks, tingles, anything. But unfortunately my pelvis was dead silent. She wasn't even whispering. Before I knew it I was asleep on my yoga mat with drool dripping out the right side of my mouth. 

During "Alchemical Love" I couldn't help but think, what the hell am I doing?
I was trying to envision my goddess energy pulsating through my veins while simultaneously trying not to feel like a whacked out hippie searching for make believe mysticism. Next thing you know I'd be using crystals to clear my chakras and sage to get rid of the negative energy. But in spite of my reservations, I was curious to see how all this would pan out with my boyfriend. He had been out of town when I started my orgasmic adventure, which allowed me enough time to fully absorb all of my lessons. So now that he was back would I be able to come more easily?
Eager to participate, M threw me on my back, pulled my legs above his shoulders, and went it for it. I was shocked and surprised to realize how intense it felt. Normally it's a position I can get into right away (unlike the sideways straddle, now that is intense) but this time it felt like going from 0 to 60.
Like when I accidentally turn up my vibrator to high instead of starting slow. I made him stop and switch to missionary so I could ease into it. Even oral sex felt intensified. I felt myself getting aroused in half the time; a plus for me since I'm used to the almighty Rabbit.

Could it be that the course had worked?
I realized that for years I had been zoning out during sex. I don't find myself worrying about waking up early or meeting that deadline when I'm doing it. I'm fully in the moment, but that doesn't mean I’m focused. I had been kind of lazy when it came to the big O. Stick a vibrator in and let it work its magic. Or just push a guy south and see what happens. If I could get off great, if not then I assumed it was them not me.
I had put little effort into doing my daily Kegels or fantasizing on how much I was enjoying the sensations. This time as M went downtown I actually focused on each flick of the tongue relishing in how good it felt. Let's just say my clitoris was happier than she had been in a long time.
Maybe Orgasmic Bliss did improve my orgasmic potential by bringing a new level of awareness to my body. Or maybe it was those daily Kegels. One thing is for sure: Next time I need a little orgasmic pick-me-up I won't be fantasizing about my inner goddess. I'll be squeezing those muscles instead.

7 Thoughts That Go Through Everyone's Head When Having "Mirror Sex"

Mirror, mirror on the wall, do I really look like that naked?

Mirror sex can be a double-edged sword. On one hand, you can get a much better view of the action; on the other hand, some things just weren't meant to be seen.
You think you're critical of yourself in front of a mirror? Try checking yourself out when you're sweaty and can hide nothing.
But it's not all bad. In theory, the person you're in bed with is someone you want to see naked. In that case, the mirror just provides more angles for you to appreciate the view.

Having the mirror there changes the equation for sure, and here's what you're going to be reflecting on while you're getting down:

Is this really what I look like naked? Is it possible to have sex with clothes on

Millennials Orgasm Faster Than The Previous Generation, Says Study

What an accomplishment.
Millennials' approach to porn is much different than the previous generations, according to a study done by Pornhub and Mic. Using Pornhub's analytics software, they uncovered many millennials' porn habits and discovered something interesting along the way.
One pattern is that millennials tend to watch porn the most on Mondays, and less on Saturdays. They also found that, although men still make up majority of porn consumers, more and more millennial women are watching as well, more so than the previous generation.
Pornhub and Mic believe that the reason for this increase in women watching porn is due to women becoming open to the idea of controlling their own sexual needs and wants.

Another point the study points out, though not surprising, is that 60 percent of millennials prefer to use their phones compared to 33 percent who would use a computer to watch porn. With smartphones smaller and more portable, millennials can watch literally anywhere at anytime, although the study found that most millennials log in to the site between 11PM and midnight.
But the most interesting part? They spend only less than a minute on the site, compared to those in the older generation.
What does this mean? Well, it could mean that milennnials have a much lower attention span. Or, which seems to be the general consensus, they're faster at satisfying their urges than the previous generation. In plain terms, they orgasm faster. 

Source: Cosmopolitan
Other parts of the study uncovered that "lesbian" is the most popular category, the Kim Kardashian sex tape is the favorite to watch, and there's an immense appreciation for large butts.
This is just one more thing our generation can be proud of (we think?).

The 2 BIG Things ALL Women Want In Bed (And How You Can Deliver)

Make her sexual dreams come true.
Sexual satisfaction is constantly addressed by magazines and sex columns in an attempt to answer the elusive question, "What do women want in bed?" So what does your woman really want in bed? Besides deep intimacy, romance, and maybe an exciting new position to try? What she truly desires is a connection with you — her man. You're probably wondering how to achieve that, so here's a simple guide to doing just that — what women want!
Step 1: Be Confident
When a woman is quiet or seems dissatisfied, a man often looks to himself, wondering if he's lacking technique or not doing enough to please his partner. A man may expect to hear those moans of passion and see his woman lose herself. If this level of intensity is missing, he may wonder, what's wrong?

The truth about what women want in bed lies less in technique and even more so in the attitude. She craves your confidence.
A woman doesn't expect a man to read her mind, but rather maintain a sense of curiosity when it comes to the details of her body and eager to explore it. She wants a take-charge kind of guy, who's neither shy nor timid about his need to completely ravage every bit of her.
As sex educators, we teach women the very same thing. We encourage women to take charge of their sex lives by communicating their wants and needs to their partners. Through communication, we remind them, they're much more likely to get their needs met. If a woman is more confident, the theory holds, he's likely to feed off of her confidence.
That said, women do want to take on the role of feminine vixen, true to their biology and the root carnal force. In the bedroom, all humans crave and need to remain true to their gender roles, whatever they may be. And these men in the movies are confident in their own sexuality and completely focused on the woman and the moment. These men are present and ready to devour every inch of her. 

Part 2: Don't Rush Things — Enjoy The Ride
In reality, many men are often focused on the end goal: orgasm. Rushing to get to the climax like they're in a race, they often forget to be present and in the moment. Most women will grow bored of this.
I'm not saying women don't like a quickie every now and then, but this approach will eventually kill the enjoyment of sex. And often, this betrays a lack of confidence in the man. A woman's intuition kicks in.
A woman wants to feel that she's in the hands of a stable, secure, present, and focused man — not a guy who's racing to the finish line. This kind of juvenile behavior leaves her feeling like less than a woman. There's also a lot of truth to all the hype about foreplay.

Foreplay has less to do with specific sex acts, like kissing or oral sex, and much more to do with romance. The key to good foreplay is to relish every second of the experience, to be a little selfish (yes, selfish) but also present in the moment — and not rushing through it.
True foreplay includes inhaling her scent and touching every part of her body with your hands and mouth. True foreplay includes kissing lips, necks, ears, and then some. It involves undressing her, slowly enough, but not too slow, with just the right amount of force.
Foreplay includes touching parts of her body you don't normally touch, inner thighs, lower stomach — and excluding the vagina until the very last moment. Touching close — but not right away — adds an element of tease to the act too. Massaging the feet while kissing her, touching her legs and thighs with passionate squeezes — all the while being focused and present.
In the end, confidence is key, not just in the way a man carries himself, but also in the way he makes her feel — like she's in the hands of someone who knows what he wants, knows what he's doing and gives her the security she needs to completely surrender. Bringing this to the bedroom can unleash her inner vixen. If she feels safe and secure, she is more likely to let her wild side come out, too.

Go further together with more sparks at DUREX USA.

7 All-Too-Common Reasons Women Fake Orgasms (Sorry, Guys)

Not all bad!
By Georgette Todd
Recently, my best friend told me that I needed to watch "Masters of Sex," an American Drama Series on Showtime that follows the lives of William Masters (played by Michael Sheen) and Virginia Johnson (Lizzy Caplan), who were the pioneers of the science of human sexuality. A few days later, I gave the pilot a shot and enjoyed it enough to not secretly resent my friend for wasting my time.
In one of the opening scenes, Masters appeared befuddled when a prostitute told him casually that most women fake orgasms. He asked why would women do such a thing? The answer didn't come until later, when Johnson said, "To get the man to finish, so we could go back to doing what we'd rather be doing."

For me, that response rings true. Now, I don't always fake it but whenever I do, it's usually because of one the following reasons below:
1. I hate all that exercise.
Sex is a very physical activity and I know from experience that all that moving around externally is not always going to pay off internally. So, when sex goes from being a physical way to express love or lust to a race to getting off, it's a turn-off for me. I hate it when sex feels like a chore or a relational obligation.
2. I don't want to make you work so hard.
If my guy is sitting back and I'm doing all the work and nothing I seem to do is getting him off, then I will not only feel exhausted and defeated but somehow, less of a person. I never would want my partner to feel like "less of a man" for not getting me to the big O, especially if he is doing all that he can.

So, a quick body quiver and moaning will save you any unnecessary extra efforts and it will save me from appearing as if I'm some frigid ice queen.
3. You won't believe me if I say, "It's not you, it's me."
Look, sometimes I had a bad day or I'm just not body confident. Whatever the reason, there are times where it has nothing to do with the man in my life.

I've never met a man who didn't believe me when I told them that it was me, which sometimes it was (I know this because if the trusty vibrator can't get me off...) Anyway, men have taken personal responsibility for not getting me to orgasm despite my reassurances or protestations.

4. You make me feel good enough.
While vibrators are quick and easy, no machine can compare to the feeling of a strong broad chest, warm skin that just got out of the shower, muscular arms holding you, the scent of the man-animal ravaging you in a heat of passion. Kissing and foreplay sometimes is enough for me.
If you add sex to the equation, then there is this underlying pressure to "perform," as in act like I had an orgasm.
5. I don't want to hurt your feelings or ego.
I can imagine that if I were a man, thrusting and sweating and basically doing all the work while my partner is lying there and taking it, I'd want some kind of payoff for all my efforts. If I see how hard my guy is working at getting me off and he's held back, I just want to do him a favor and let him release. I'm giving him a break.

6. I wasn't in the mood to begin with.
I'm never forced into having sex. However, because I love my man and I'm naturally affectionate, I will respond to foreplay even if I'm not really in the mood.
Sometimes I can get into the mood, and sometimes I can't. In the times that I can't, the reason almost always has nothing to do with my partner, but rather where I'm at emotionally or biologically.
7. I already had multiple orgasms with my cotton candy colored vibrator.
Sometimes I stimulate myself and because the rushing sensations feel so wonderful, I always finish vibrating once I get started. So while you're in the shower or on your way home, I try to get myself in the mood by vibrating. Getting good vibrations is another reason why I may fake it with you.

It should go without saying that I don't represent all women. So, if there any reasons why you women fake it that isn't covered in this article, please feel free to state them in the comments below. I, and I'm sure the men and lesbians of the world, would be very interested in discovering why you fake the O.