What to Do When Your Sex Drive is Low

Is there anything that can actually be done about a lack of sexual desire in women? I was such a horny teenager and in my early 20s it was like a switch was flipped and it went to zero. I’ve been told all kinds of stuff by doctors from ‘Have a glass of wine and forget about the dishes for a while’ to ‘It will come back in your 30s (I’m 37 now and nope)’ to ‘Yeah that sucks.’

I’ve heard a lot of similar stories about doctors who give terrible (and frankly, insulting) advice. “Just have a glass of wine” is particularly infuriating. (It’s also the most common advice doctors give to women who have never had an orgasm.) Unfortunately, you don’t need to get much training in sexuality to become a doctor, so a lot of doctors are woefully unprepared to deal with sexual issues. In my experience working with clients, it’s almost always possible to pinpoint the reason why your sex drive started to decrease. Read on for my advice on how to figure out why your sex drive disappeared.

Read Yelp reviews and/or speak with the doctor before scheduling a visit.

It’s worth going through this effort because there are a lot of medical conditions that can cause a decrease in libido. Some of the most common ones include:

• Imbalanced hormone levels (This can be checked with a simple blood test)
• Depression and anxiety
• Thyroid imbalances (Also an easy blood test)
• Arthritis
• Cancer
• Diabetes
• Heart disease
• High blood pressure
• Neurological diseases
• Sleep problems
• Chronic pain
• Kidney disease

  Check Your Medicine Cabinet

  Medications can also frequently cause a decrease in libido. Most doctors don’t talk about the sexual side effects of medications, and most people don’t read all the fine print in the little pamphlets that come with medications. As a result, a lot of people get surprised by a sudden decrease in libido because they didn’t make the connection to their medication.
  The most common medications that cause decrease in libido include:
  • Anti-seizure and anti-anxiety medications, like Valium, Ativan, and Klonopin
  • Antihypertensive medications, like beta blockers, and ACE inhibitors.
  • Cholesterol-lowering medications, like Lipitor and Crestor
  • Anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications, like Prozac, Paxil, and Zoloft. Even Wellbutrin, which is advertised as having fewer sexual side effects, can still have sexual side effects
  • Hormonal birth control, like birth control pills, rings, and the hormonal IUD
  Fortunately, there are ways to mitigate the effects of medications, including:
  • Changing the dosage
  • Changing what time you take your dose
  • Adding other medications
  • Trying similar classes of medications
  Of course, you need to speak with your doctor before making any changes to your medications.

  Examine Your Lifestyle

  Most of us take our sex drives for granted, expecting that they should just function on their own. That may work at certain points of our lives or relationships, but it’s not a successful long-term strategy. Your sex drive needs your ongoing support in order to flourish.
  Try asking yourself this question: “Does my lifestyle support a healthy sex drive?” Here are some factors to consider:
  • Do you even have the time to be intimate? Or is every single minute of your day scheduled?
  • Do you have the energy to feel desire? Are you taking care of your body by feeding it healthy foods, exercising, and getting enough sleep?
  • Do you have a good environment for having sex? Take a look at your bedroom, or wherever you most frequently have sex. I’ve found that people often underestimate just how much of an effect our surroundings have on our desire. Does your space inspire desire? Or has it become cluttered, messy, and distracting?

  Take an Honest Look at Your Relationship

  Your relationship can have a huge affect on your sex drive. Whatever dynamics are going on between you and your partner outside of the bedroom are going to affect things inside of the bedroom. If you and your partner have grown distant, if you hardly see each other anymore, or if you’re fighting constantly, you’re not going to feel the desire to be intimate. The differences in your sex drives can cause issues too. If you’ve always been the partner with the higher sex drive, sensitivity to frequently being turned down by your partner may have caused your own sex drive to tank.
  If you’re having problems in your relationship, I highly recommend seeing a couples counselor or sex therapist. It really helps to have some outside support in examining and repairing the issues that are driving a wedge between the two of you. Even if things are fine in your relationship, it can still be worthwhile to see a sex therapist. The simple act of investing yourself in your sex life mentally, emotionally, and financially can naturally bring some energy back to the bedroom. You can also get ideas for reigniting the spark in your relationship.

  Think About the Sex You’ve Been Having

  Your sex drive is a self-perpetuating cycle. That old saying “Use it or lose it” sounds horribly cheesy, but it’s sort of true. If your sex life is boring, predictable, or stale, your sex drive is naturally going to decrease. It just doesn’t make much sense to feel strong desire for something that isn’t that enjoyable.
  The truth is that maintaining an active and satisfying sex life - and the accompanying sex drive - takes a lot of work! If you put effort into having better sex, you’ll probably notice your sex drive improve as well. Some options to consider include:
  • Scheduling sex or date nights
  • Trying new things in the bedroom together
  • Re-examining your boundaries and seeing if you’re willing to experiment with something different
  • Being vulnerable and sharing more of your desires or feedback with your partner

  Consider the Possibility That Nothing’s Wrong

  The reader mentioned that her sex drive changed dramatically when she entered her 20s. Most people have pretty intense sex drives as teenagers. Desire can be more subtle as we get older, but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. One of the most common patterns I see is that people start needing more of a “nudge” to feel desire. For example, you may not feel desire until you’re already kissing your partner, or already taking your clothes off. Or you may be more sensitive about needing to set the mood with candles or music. Try asking yourself, “What kinds of dynamics or situations typically help me feel even slightly more interested in sex?” Taking the time to look for patterns can make a world of difference.

How to Deal With Penis Size Anxiety

There are few topics that can evoke such widespread and intense anxiety as penis size. Just about every man—regardless of the actual size of his penis—worries about being too small. Here’s what you need to know about penis size, and what to do if you’re afraid your penis is smaller than “normal.”

Penis Size Doesn’t Affect Pleasure

Now for the great news: the size of your penis also has absolutely no effect on the amount of pleasure that you’re capable of feeling. Having a bigger penis doesn’t equate feeling more pleasure during sex.

Despite what the anxious thoughts in the back of your head might tell you, the size of your penis also has a surprisingly small effect on the amount of pleasure your partner is capable of feeling.

If you sleep with women, the size of your penis isn’t as important as you think it is because penetration isn’t the most pleasurable sexual activity for women. The majority of nerve endings in a woman’s genitals are focused in the clitoris. There are so few nerve endings in the vaginal canal that there isn’t even a scientific tally of them. The nerve endings that the vagina does have are clustered towards the outer third of the vagina, meaning that deeper penetration doesn’t create more pleasure. Penetration itself isn’t the most pleasurable activity for women because it doesn’t create very much clitoral stimulation. In fact, 70-80% of women can’t orgasm from penetration alone. Women can feel subtle differences between smaller and larger penises, but it’s more a matter of fullness than of pleasure. A larger penis doesn’t do any better of a job creating clitoral stimulation than a smaller penis does.

If you sleep with men and are ever the penetrating partner with anal sex, a smaller penis is actually preferred. The rectum isn’t capable of stretching in the same way a vagina is, so a smaller penis feels better than a larger one.

Sure, there are people who would prefer a larger-than-normal penis. But penis size isn’t a deal-breaker for the overwhelming majority of people. If you feel yourself worrying about the size of your penis, try imagining yourself on the opposite side of the equation. Would you dump your partner solely because of the size of her labia? Or her breasts? Or his penis? I doubt it. I’m willing to bet that you see your partner as an entire human being, not a collection of body parts. Allow your partner to see you in the same way.

Sometimes it’s About More Than Just Your Penis

For some men, penis-size anxiety is a symptom of an underlying anxiety problem. If you find yourself worrying about your penis size on a daily basis, or if the intensity of your anxiety seems excessive, you may want to focus on daily anxiety management.

Headspace has an introductory series that you can try for free. If you like it, you can pay a small monthly fee for more series on different topics. In particular, you may want to check out their series about anxiety management. Many of my clients (especially male clients with performance issues) have found this series to be extremely helpful.

If watching porn triggers penis size anxiety, you may want to take a temporary (or permanent) hiatus from watching. It’s easy to forget that porn is meant to be entertainment, and that porn actors are basically required to have large penises. If you see large penises on a daily basis, it’s easy to develop a skewed view of what’s “normal.”

I’ve worked with a number of clients who torture themselves by doing internet research on penis size. That may even be how you found this article! This kind of research is of course not helpful, and tends to make anxiety much worse. You may want to add some sort of browser extension to your computer to prevent yourself from doing those kinds of searches. You can also block yourself from the penis size websites and forums you usually visit.

How to Work with Your Penis

As I mentioned above, your penis size doesn’t play as big of a role in sexual pleasure as you may think it does. But if you are on the smaller side, there are a few things you can do to work with what you’ve got:

• Get really good at foreplay. Focus on improving your manual stimulation and oral sex skills. If you sleep with women, these skills are particularly appreciated, since she’s far more likely to orgasm from manual or oral stimulation than she is from intercourse.
• Find the right sex position for your penis. In general, you want to look for positions where you can get deep penetration. If you sleep with a woman, it’s usually best to have her keep her legs together, which creates a tighter fit. Having her legs up in the air can also help you stay inside. When you have intercourse, focus more on grinding than on in-and-out thrusting.
• Use a cock ring. A cock ring can help your penis feel larger by trapping blood in your shaft. To use one, you get erect, then put the ring around the base of your penis. Some models are designed to wrap around your testicles as well. I recommend a simple neoprene version with a snap closure.
• Try a penis extender or sleeve. If you really want the experience of having a longer and girthier penis, you can buy penis extenders or sleeves. These products slip over your penis like a condom, increasing your size. They’re usually studded for additional stimulation for your partner. Make sure you get one made of out medical-grade, body-safe silicone.

Evil Traits In Men That Women Surprisingly Find Attractive

You want to find a guy worth your time.  Makes sense.  However, when you're looking for men, are you sure you're looking for the right kind?  Some people spend their lives searching, but they look for all the wrong things.  They look for physical traits that seem sexy, but end up not benefitting the relationship in the long run.  Keep reading to discover the evil traits that women think are attractive.

Damn, man. It’s no secret that bad boys are more attractive than nice guys. There’s just something about a guy who seems like he can really hold his own; there’s something about a guy who doesn’t seem like he takes sh*t from anyone. This is what women tend to be attracted to most, but it gets even more specific than that.

Evil men. These traits were decided on through a study published in “Evolution and Human Behavior,” according to Spring.org. Led in part by Minna Lyons, the study essentially proved that women like their men tall, dark and handsome, but with a little bit of evil on the side.

Imperfectly perfect. While other guys are worried about trying to be the best kind of guy he can be in order to impress women, this study proves that if you’re not evil enough, you’re not going to be sexy enough. So, men everywhere, stop wasting your time and hone in on your dark side.

The first trait. According to the study, the first evil trait that stands out most of all to women is psychopathy. While this might seem like a trait most people would want to run away from, it turns out that there are various features associated with psychopathy that women just can’t get enough of.

What’s so good about being a psychopath? So, what draws women into psychopathy? A psychopath basically doesn’t give a sh*t. He tends to be a lone wolf, but also one that doesn’t seem like he cares about anyone. There’s something sexy about a guy whose trustworthiness seems a bit up in the air.

A selfish prick is a perfect choice. Ever meet a guy who seems like he couldn’t care less if a million people dropped dead in front of him spontaneously? Yeah? Well, that’s what the study claims women are into. They like their men callous and completely selfish. Because, why not, right?

Just a genuine piece of sh*t. Do women not want a guy who wants to care for her and love her? According to the study — not in the slightest. The second evil trait that women are so attracted to is machiavellianism, which is essentially describing someone who’s a bona fide tricky b*tch.

Messing with your mind. Women are attracted to guys who enjoy screwing with their heads. They want someone whose sense of morals is garbage and whose idea of common decency is f*cking people over whenever the opportunity presents itself. This is sexy — right, ladies?

Selfish douche. The final evil trait that women are into is narcissism. While this might seem like the complete opposite of what you’d probably assume a woman would want in a guy, that isn’t true. According to the study, women are turned on by a guy who doesn’t just hold his, but only wants to hold his own. Because f*ck everyone, he’s a narcissist.

Proud man. There’s nothing wrong with having pride in yourself. However, when you have too much of it, you run the risk of getting drunk off of it. The thing is, though, guys like this just don’t care about the side effects. This is someone who’s so vain that they don’t even realize that this post is about them.

In their shoes. When you date someone like this, you’re dating someone who doesn’t just not care about you, but cares so much for themselves that everyone else is pretty much irrelevant in their eyes. If they want you, it’s because they want whatever they can benefit from you. Which is usually sex.

According to the study. Now, according to this study, women aren’t necessarily attracted to these traits in general, but in a guy’s physical appearance that seems to hint at these traits. If they see a guy who seems sketchy AF, they’re basically under the immediate assumption that they must also be equally sexy AF.

The underlying benefits. Now, even though these traits might all seem incredibly negative, Lyons points out that there are subliminal traits that sort of hide beneath the surface, assuming you’re willing to put up with what’s on the surface. She says that each of these traits have the potential to be more positive in the long run than they seem.

The unexpected benefits. When a woman is looking for a mate, she’s looking for a guy who won’t just be able to protect her, but someone who will make a legitimate good mate — as in, someone who will help her procreate with the best possible offspring. Lyons says that narcissism is a great quality for this.

Dating a psychopath. So, should you go out of your way to seek out a psycho? Probably not. But still, if you want to live on the dark side, then by all means try your luck. The good guy can wait for a while, so in the meantime, go have some fun and experiment.

The Best And Worst Times To Have Sex During The Week, According To Science

Picture this: It’s Sunday morning. You wake up and stretch your arms as far as they can go. You feel absolutely amazing. Your partner is lying next to you, looking all sexy, as usual. Damn.. actually, now that you think about it… you’re pretty horny. Should you wake your man and get into a little trouble? Well all science signs point to… YES! According to science, 9AM on a Sunday is that ideal time to have sex during the week? Wondering why… well you’re going to have to keep reading, silly! Here are the best and worst times to have sex during the week, according to science.

Morning sex. If you’re not a morning person, and you’re a total night owl, it really doesn’t matter. Because everyone, and we mean EVERYONE loves a good morning romp between the sheets. So you’re totally not alone in wanting to get it on in the morning. But according to science, you may be totally right in loving morning sex as much as you do.

9AM. According to the Daily Mail, “New research shows that 9am on a Sunday is the most popular time of the week for the British couples to get busy between the sheets.” See… morning time is the right time! But why Sunday… And why so god damn early. Superdrug set out to find out just why people are getting their groove on at 9AM.

Least. The Daily Mail says that “Tuesday at 9PM is the least desirable opportunity is intimacy,” according to this fairly large survey of people. Nearly 2,000 adults were polled and they all had fairly the same thing to say when it came to getting down and dirty. But if you’re a big fan of Tuesday, you might want to switch gears to a more popular day.. like Saturday!

Saturday. “The results also noted that Saturdays are collectively more popular than every other day,” according to The Daily Mail. Now this makes sense! It’s the weekend, you’re ready to dance, ready to party, ready to have a few drinks. Kick back with some friends, maybe. Go out and meet a special someone. Saturday is the perfect day to have sex, if you ask us.

Week. “Together, 11:30AM, 10:30PM and 11:30PM on the first day of the weekend made the top five time-slots, while Friday at 10:30PM was also a favorite,” according to the Daily Mail. It seems like the earlier in the day and the latest in the night are the best times to get it on. And again, this makes a lot of sense. Early birds and night owls are probably having the most sex, by far.

Hot. Hotter weather, apparently, means a lot more sex. “Previous research from 2014 - conducted by Lovehoney.com - also suggests we desire sex far more in the summer,” according to the Daily Mail. “That was named the sexiest season by two-thirds of respondents, followed by winter, spring, and autumn.”

Activities. “Our pre and post sex activities also suggest that we are a nation of romantic lovers with 60 percent of couples stating that alcohol is not a key component of most couples foreplay,” according to the Daily Mail. “Less than a quarter said they often drank alcohol before love-making."

Before. When it comes to pre-play, what are you really interested in doing with your partner? A light massage? Maybe sharing a bit of conversation? According to the Daily Mail, “The most popular activity prior to sex was a romantic meal, followed by watching TV, talking intimately, going to the pub and a night out with friends.” Honestly.. those all sound really fun right now.

Most popular times. The study revealed the 10 most popular times during the week to have sex, and surprise surprise, they are all on Saturday and Friday. The most popular time, as we said earlier, was Sunday at 9AM. The least popular time easily was Monday at 8:15PM. Makes sense.. your first day back at work, you’re probably trying to just go home and sleep.

By Paige Tutt

Other popular times. According to the survey, other popular times include 10:30PM on Saturday and 11:30PM on the same day. Really any late times on Friday and Saturday, those are the best and most ideal times for you to look for a little slice of something sweet and spicy. But Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday… and even Friday at 5PM… no, we’d stray away.

Least popular. 7:30Pm on Monday is one of the least popular times, obviously. But 5PM on Friday and Saturday for some reason are both fairly unpopular times. Maybe because it’s right after you’ve just gotten out of work, and you want to just relax, not think about working up a sweat… let alone work at all.

Critics. Of course, there will always be critics who have something to say about the surveys. User carol24 from London, UK, said on the Daily Mail’s piece, “So we need a survey to tell us that the weekend is the most popular time to have sex? Wow :) groundbreaking!!” We kind of agree carol24, it does seem a bit obvious, but now we know for sure.

What you can. In all honesty, for some, sex isn’t as much of a luxury. Some people really have to take what they can get, like Budgie from Norwich, UK. “My most popular time was any time I could get it.” Amen, Budgie, amen indeed.

Critics. Rayme from Manchester, UK, said, “Do researchers get paid to tell us the obvious. Did they never hear what barbers used to say to their clients as they were brushing them off after a haircut. ‘Something for the weekend, sir?’” Wow, Rayme. You’ve got quite the point. These professionals do get paid, and though the info seems obvious, it isn’t to all.

You. Try to tell us that sex isn’t your favorite thing in the entire world! Because we literally won’t believe you. What are your thoughts on the best and worst times to have sex? Do you have a favorite time of day or night when you and your partner love to just bump and grind, to get it on, to get it popping? Let us know your thoughts and feelings in the comments section below!