How to Get More Pleasure Out of Common Sex Positions

When people are looking to get more pleasure out of their sex life, there's one thing that usually comes to mind: throwing out common sex positions in favor of more acrobatic ones. But there's no need to. If the most common sex positions work for you, then keep them in rotation—and consider making a few tiny tweaks to help send your pleasure through the roof. Or, if they aren't working for you, these tweaks might help you love them.


"The secret to having more intense, enjoyable sex is knowing how to angle yourself so that you're hitting your most sensitive areas while allowing yourself to really let go and relax," says Patricia Taylor, Ph.D., sex educator and author of Expanded Orgasm. And while pleasure definitely means achieving orgasm as often as possible, it also means feeling more turned on and connected to your body.

Rather than tackle the entire book of Kama Sutra—which, let's admit, doesn't always keep your head in the game—take some of the most common sex positions and add a little ~twist~.
1. Rider on Top

Many people with vulvas like this position because you're in control of the angle and thrusting speed. To make it even more intense, instead of simply sitting on top, get on your knees and lean forward, then move in and out nice and slow. "This will help hit your G spot while allowing you to angle your clit as you use your arms for balance," says Taylor. (P.S Here's How to Find Your G Spot) Starting off slow and increasing the speed is key, as it helps your clitoris get warmed up, so to speak. It starts as a small nub located just above the opening to your vagina, but as you become aroused, it grows and drops lower and, as a result, provides a larger area of sensation that increases your ability to orgasm. (These other clitoris facts will revolutionize your orgasm.)


Want even more of a twist on this common sex position? "If you're in the mood for experimenting, try a vibrating cock ring," suggests Taylor. "You'll have a lot of control to really increase your sensation, or stop if it becomes too much."
2. The Catcher

The Catcher, also called "The Great Bee" in the world of Tantic sex positions, is another level-up from common sex position rider-on-top. Instead of resting your knees outside your partner's legs, you'll plant your feet. From there, you can control your speed and depth to find the exact right spots for you.

That said, this is a great position for stimulating some of the deeper vaginal erogenous zones. "I recommend that the penetrating partner try making circles, going back and forth, or tilting side to side," Carol Queen, Ph.D., Good Vibrations sexologist and curator of the Antique Vibrator Museum, previously told Shape.
3. Doggy Style

When a partner enters you from behind, it's a tight fit, but it's also an ideal angle to hit your G spot. "The beauty of this move is that it also leaves your clit really exposed, so it's easy to reach around and stimulate you manually, or for you to touch yourself," says Taylor. (These are The Best Sex Positions for Clitoral Stimulation.)

There is one downside to doggy, though: rugburn and sore knees. To avoid both, try putting pillows underneath your stomach and chest for support, and keep your legs out straight instead of bent, suggests Taylor. "This lets you fully relax and savor the experience while still leaving room to reach down and touch your clit."
4. Low Doggy

As one of the most common sex positions out there (and widely enjoy ones, as well), it makes sense that there are plenty of ways to tweak doggy style to make sex even more pleasurable. Try dropping onto your elbows during doggy to open up your hips even more, which allows for deeper penetration, sex educator August McLaughlin, author of Girl Boner and Girl Boner Journal previously told Shape. (FYI, this variation of doggy is also ideal for anal penetration.)

5. 69

A lot of people love a dual oral session, but here's how to make it better: Both of you lie on your sides. Boom: Suddenly, you both have easier access to the goods. To make this common sex position even more earth-shattering, have your partner use a vibrator on you while you perform oral. sex. Not sure which ones to try? These are the best vibrators for both masturbation and partner sex.

6. Spooning

There are few things cozier than the spoon, so getting it on like this can boost your pleasure because you're already in a bonding position, and feeling connected helps you climax. "You can be really orgasmic in spoon because when you're both lying next to each other with your partner against your back, the angle helps hit your G spot," says Taylor. "Just be sure to go really slow so nothing slips out."

To make spooning (or any common sex position, really) sizzle even more, Taylor suggests wearing a blindfold or using a tie to cover your eyes. "Turning off the visual cues temporarily encourages the sense of surrender, helping you focus you on deep feelings with no visual distractions," says Taylor. "When this occurs, moans and groans register as more intense and intimate and add to the novelty. All of this can come together to create a very hot, sexy experience." Oh, and since your partner's hands are free in this position, grab them to show exactly how you want your nipples to be touched for even more stimulation. (If you've
never used a blindfold before, check out this beginners guide to BDSM.)7. Seated Straddle

To take this common sex position up a notch, Taylor says to focus on your breath. As you breathe in, your partner breathes out—doing this helps your body expand and open, offering up more opportunity to achieve orgasm, she explains. Why does this work so well in the straddle position? When you're sitting face to face, you can look into each other's eyes, and that boosts intimacy. Plus, your chests are free to expand without the natural pressure that happens when lying down. Bonus: Inhaling deeply during intercourse increases oxygen and blood flow throughout the body, so it's more likely you'll hit your highest notes. (Try these other breathing exercises for more pleasure during sex, too.)
8. Missionary

As the most common sex position of them all, lots of people give missionary a bad rep, deeming it boring or basic. But don't discount it just yet: This is a prime position for clitoral stimulation. Two tricks to try: First, prop a pillow under your butt, as that'll change the angle of your partner's penetration, potentially making it easier to hit your G-spot, says Taylor. Next, bring your legs close together so your partner's legs drape outside of yours. Doing this tightens the fit around your partner and really creates friction on your clit. Before you know it, you may be paying a visit to O-town. (BTW, this version of missionary is also a tantric sex position.)
9. Lifted Missionary

The twists on missionary don't need to stop there. Continue playing with this common sex position by lifting your legs up (you can keep them spread, so one is on either of your partner's shoulders or place both on one side). This is a great position for G-spot stimulation, sex coach Amy Levine previously told Shape. (Keep reading: 5 More G-spot Positions You Need to Try)

How to Have an Anal Orgasm

Oh, don't act so surprised! Of course an anal orgasm is a thing. (And a very pleasurable thing, if I do say so myself). What—did you think anal sex has garnered all the attention it's been getting by *not* helping you orgasm?


Well, if you've been snoozing on peach play up until now, fear not. Below, experts explain exactly what an anal orgasm is, plus eight tips for how to have one.
Wait, Anal Orgasms Are Real?

Not only are they real, but theoretically, anyone with a booty can have one (read: every body). But, often, the mechanism that induces an anal orgasm varies depending on anatomy, says Evan Goldstein M.D., CEO and founder of Bespoke Surgical, which specializes in helping folks of all genders and sexualities engage in anal.

For people with prostate (usually people assigned male at birth), often an anal O will occur through stimulating the prostate through anal penetration, explains Dr. Goldstein. (ICYDK, the prostate is a walnut-sized gland located between the bladder and the penis, just in front of the rectum.)

And for vagina-havers, an anal O typically occurs through stimulation of the G-spot or A-spot through the anal canal, explains certified sex educator Alicia Sinclair, CEO of b-Vibe, an anal play product company. The wall between the vagina and anus is super thin, so anal sex can stimulate those hot-spots. In fact, according to her, the A-spot (that's the anterior fornix zone) may be anatomically easier to stimulate through the butt than through the vagina. (Because everything downstairs is so close together, that's why you can even get turned on from having a full bladder.)


Fun fact: A 2016 survey for sex camera site Cam4 asked 8,000 women worldwide about their orgasms and found that, among American women, 42 percent have orgasms during anal (!!).

All that said: An anal orgasm is an orgasm that's achieved through any kind of anal stimulation. Including (but not limited to) oral-anal play, anal fingering, penetrative anal intercourse with a penis or dildo, spanking, or play that occurs while wearing a butt plug or using anal beads.

"An anal orgasm can occur through just anal stimulation, or with the additional stimulation of other erogenous zones," says Sinclair. (See: 7 Different Types of Orgasms You Can Have)
How to Explore Anal Orgasms

Ready to venture from wanting an anal O to having an anal O? We've got your back butt. And don't worry, you don't need a plus one to try these steps or experience a mind-boggling butt-O.

1. Stock your drawer with lube.

It's practically a mantra at this point: Use lube! While it's true that lube makes all types of hanky panky better, for anal play it's non-negotiable because the anus is not self-lubricating, says Dr. Goldstein. "Lube is the difference between a friction-filled experience, and a pleasurable one."

Go ahead and scroll through this list of sex educator-recommended anal lubes and add one (or five) to your cart. Oh, and keep in mind: Silicone lubes can ruin silicone toys. So if you're planning to use toys, opt for water- or oil-based lube instead.
2. Touch your own bum.

Whether you're boo-ed up or not, you should be exploring your own body—especially your butt—before exploring with a partner, says Dr. Goldstein. No matter how sexually communicative you are, it's way easier to navigate between what feels good and what doesn't feel good more quickly during anal masturbation vs. with a partner.

"While you jack off anally, use this time to feel your own vibes, learn what gets you off (and what doesn't), what hurts or feels uncomfortable (and what feels oh-so-good), and what new tricks you can bring into partner play," he says. (Don't know where to get started? This anal masturbation guide can help.)
3. Use a toy.

Anal beads! Butt plugs! Dildos! So long as the toy as a flared base (this is what keeps the toy from getting stuck inside you), it's safe for anal play. "Different toys can offer different sensations, but each can help you reach orgasm," says Sinclair.

Butt plugs are a great option for folks who want to enjoy a sensation of anal fullness while using their hands to manually stimulate their other hot-spots or hold clit vibrators. Wearing a butt plug while receiving oral sex is the exact anal O recipe for some folks, notes Sinclair.

Anal beads are great for people who enjoy the sensation of their anal sphincter (the muscles at the end of the rectum that surrounds the anus and control the release of waste) being massaged. But full transparency: It'll depend on your flexibility and dexterity whether you'll be able to insert and removing anal beads in your own butt. (See More: How to Use Anal Beads)

Suction cup dildos are an awesome option for folks who can climax from anal penetration, and are looking for a way to ride a dildo during solo sex. Suction it to a chair, then get into rider-on-top or reverse rider on top position, and thrust up and down while twiddling your front bits. Products to check out: Rainbow Pride Dildo (Buy It, $69, babeland.com) and Boss Silicone Dildo (Buy It, $60, babeland.com).

Strap-on is the official term for wearing a dildo in a harness. A strap-on like the Curved Pegasus Realistic Harness Set (Buy it, $135, babeland.com) is an awesome and necessary purchase for strap-on anal sex and pegging. (Related: Everything You Want to Know About Pegging)
4. Explore rimming.

Rim job, analingus, salad tossing—doesn't matter what you call it, but you should try it, says Dr. Goldstein. "I am a huge proponent of oral-anal play as an act all its own, or as a way to get ready for anal play," he says."Not only will it help get you relaxed and ready to be penetrated, but there are so many nerve endings on the outside of the anus that it just feels amazing," he says. (More here: How to Have Incredible Oral Sex with Any Body)

Looking for some licking tips? Start along the cheeks and crack to tease your partner, before eventually moving your tongue in clockwise and counterclockwise circles around the anal opening, suggests Dr. Goldstein. You can also try thrusting your tongue in and out. While you lick, if your partner consents, he recommends bringing a hand in to stimulate their other erogenous zones. You might:

•Tweak/twist/pinch/flick their nipples.
•Stroke their clit or cock.
•Apply pressure to their pubic mound.
•Scratch their back.
•Trace the underbelly of their knee or foot.

If you're currently-without-bae, and you want to explore the sensation of being rimmed while you masturbate, you have a few options: One is to use the b-Vibe Rimming plug (Buy it, $157, babeland.com) which is deserving of its name. Featuring a ring of rotating beads in its neck, when inside your body it actually feels like a tongue! Just note: Even the petite size is still pretty big (think: a medium-sized strawberry), so this is best for non-beginner anal masturbators.

A better option for folks new to anal play is to squirt gel-like lube on your finger and entrance, and then use your digit to trace circles around it. Increase the chance of orgasm by also stroking your clit or cock or with your other hand while you do so, suggests Sinclair. (Reminder: Don't use the same hand on your butt and then on your genitals—you can spread bacteria that might result in an annoying infection.)

5. Switch up positions.

Again, the P-spot and G-spot are often the keys to unlocking an anal O. To hit them during penetrative anal sex, you'll want to opt for a position that allows your partner to aim toward your belly button while inside you, says Sinclair. "The beauty of a standing doggy style and rider on top is that the receiver can stimulate themselves while being penetrated," she says. (See more: The Best Anal Sex Positions for Beginner and Anal Play)

Elevated missionary with a pillow propped under the receiver's hips is another great option for first-time play because your partner can read your facial expressions. Also: intimacy. If your sleeping pillow is soft AF, consider investing in a sex pillow like the Dame Pillo (Buy it, $95, dameproducts.com) or Liberator Wedge (Buy it, $98, babeland.com).

If these positions don't do it, try a little dual-penetration action by adding a vaginal plug (which goes in the vaginal canal and stays in during play) such as the b-Vibe Twist Texture Plug (Buy it, $95, bvibe.com). Vaginal plugs will "press" the vaginal hot-spots toward the anal canal and increase the chances that they'll get stimulated during anal sex.

6. Take it to the shower or bath.

Anal sex havers generally fall into two camps: those who love exploring anal play in the shower and bath because the warm water helps all their muscles—including the anal sphincter muscles—relax and those who hate it because the water washes the lube away. It's all about preference. Still, Sinclair says that for folks who are wary of anal play due to the whole fear-of-poop thing (which, FYI, is pretty unfounded) shower and bath anal play can be a gamechanger. "It can be erotic, feels clean, and is literally and figuratively hot," she says. (See: How to Have Shower Sex That's Actually Amazing)

She recommends using a silicone- or oil-based lubricant, which are much less likely to wash off in the shower/bath than water-based lube. "If you use [one of these] and are mindful about regular reapplication, the experience can be really pleasant." Top recommendations: Uberlube (Buy It, $29, babeland.com) and pJur Original Silicone Lube (Buy It, $6, babeland.com). (More recommendations here: The Best Lubes for Anal Sex, According to Experts)

Just be warned that silicone and oil lubes are slippery AF, so you might want to get a slip-free shower mat to keep from toppling over. After all, the last thing anyone needs is a trip to the ER to taint their anal experience.
7. Exit slowly.

Done? "Don't just pull out real quick," says Sinclair. Instead, the giver should slowly ease out while the receiver bears down. That's true whether you're just the receiver or you're the giver and the receiver (aka masturbating). "Pushing out a little bit helps open up the entrance and can make the exit more comfortable," she says.

If you want to move onto other sex acts, just make sure to grab a new condom or wash any toys/hands/body parts involved in the anal play. Because even if the receiver's butt is sparkling clean, the anal canal has a microbiome that is different than the vaginal microbiome. Meaning, double-dipping can transfer bacteria from back to front that can throw off the vaginal pH and lead to yeast or bacterial infection. Blah.

8. Practice aftercare.

While the after anal-sex glow is real, Sinclair notes that—especially for anal beginners—anal sex can leave the receiver feeling a little vulnerable. She recommends spending some time cuddling, refueling, hydrating, and debriefing the experience after. (Related: Reddit Recommended Engaging In Sexual Aftercare, So I Tried It)

What If I Don't Have an Anal Orgasm?

The better questions to ask yourself are: Did I experience pleasure? Did I learn more about my own body? Do I feel closer to my partner? If you answered yes to one or more of these Q's the experience was a win! After all, an anal O may be a happy side effect of peach play, but it's not the only benefit of anal exploration.

Foods to Eat for GLOWING SKIN

“Oh, your skin is glowing,” is always a flattering compliment. One of my favorite testimonies I enjoy hearing from my clients is that people are telling them they are glowing. A healthy and happy radiance is always achievable, and you don’t need pregnancy hormones to achieve it.
I teach from a philosophy that all your bodily systems are interconnected, so it’s important to know what’s going on inside. Hydration is your first step—make sure you’re drinking plenty of purified or spring water. Often you think you are drinking enough water to be hydrated, but your skin tells otherwise (cue flaky/dry/rough textures). If this is the case, consider switching your water sources.
There are so many foods that can help with a lustrous glow; however, there are just as many meals that can wreck your complexion. Remember hydration is the most important factor for that healthy luminosity. Items like greasy fast foods, harmful vegetable oils, and alcohol (to name a few) pull from your hydration bank and ultimately dehydrate you. If you keep these to a minimum and fill your plate with my below list, you will radiate bright and glowing skin.

Bone Broth:

OK, so technically you drink this, but it provides so many amazing health benefits, including increased absorption of nutrients. Through the colder months or cold/flu season, I drink bone broth at least once a day. Even better, I add turmeric and black pepper to help with inflammation, which can also be a factor in skin issues.

Garlic:

Add this to everything! Garlic has a plethora of medicinal benefits, including being antifungal, antibacterial, and antiviral. Our skin often shows if we have an overload of these things. Garlic helps to fend them off.

Oranges/Clementines/Tangerines:

Or anything orange for that matter: carrots, golden beets, butternut squash, pumpkin, and the list goes on. These foods are commonly known for their high content of vitamin C, but they also contain phytonutrients that have been found to promote the health of epithelial tissues, which are found in our eyes, hair, and skin. They also aid in the formation of collagen. So win-win!

Fish:

You knew this one was coming, right? Healthy fats, especially those high in omega 3 fatty acids, are the key to healthy skin. They also contribute to the production of collagen. Be sure to know where your fish is coming from though—farm-raised fish can negate many of the health benefits.
Increase these foods in your daily diet, and in just 10 days, you will start seeing and feeling the transformation. Always go one step further when it comes to your skin. We tend to think if it’s on the outside, something on the outside caused it, but that’s usually not the case.

DIY: Hand Sanitizer

With coronavirus (officially known as COVID-19) infiltrating headlines, the one thing we know for certain is keeping hands clean and germ-free is a must (and not just when there’s an epidemic). The CDC recommends washing hands for at least 20 seconds multiple times a day, but the reality of life can get in the way (on the go, in a plane, train, or subway, you get the point)—and that’s when a hand sanitizer is necessary. While there are several nonalcoholic versions of hand sanitizers on the market, the CDC recommends one that contains at least 60% alcohol for maximum efficacy—and all of those are either sold out at local retailers (at least in Los Angeles) or going for 10-20 times their normal price.

So we turned to one of our favorite DIY-ers, Bijou Phillips, to get her recipe for a simple homemade hand sanitizer.

What you’ll need:

2 tablespoons rubbing alcohol
 1 tablespoon vegetable glycerin (optional)
 1 cup aloe vera gel
 15 drops tea tree oil
 15 drops cinnamon essential oil
 Colloidal silver or distilled water for the consistency you like

Add all ingredients to a glass spray bottle and shake well.

*Optional: add orange, lemon, or eucalyptus for fragrance.

More helpful tips to prevent spreading germs:

– Instead of handshaking, many people are elbow tapping or even placing their hand over their heart (a la New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez mentioned on Twitter) and nodding as an act of acknowledgment.
– For another DIY idea, you can pour rubbing alcohol onto baby wipes as a creative solution for disinfectant wipes (which are also flying off the shelves at grocery stores right now).

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Poosh, LLC (“Poosh”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that Poosh shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

How to Deal If Your Libido Is Lower Than Your SO's

Sexual desire ebbs and flows. It’s totally normal for you to not be in the mood today but want to jump your partner tomorrow, or for your partner to want it on the daily while you prefer more of a weekly get-down. But what if you feel like you and your partner have completely mismatched libidos and that it’s impacting the quality of your relationship?
In a recent survey of 1,686 sexually active women ages 25 to 49*, 27% of respondents said their partners just didn’t understand why they weren’t regularly in the mood for sex.
For those with a male partner, some of this may come down to hormones, particularly testosterone, which in men is thought to regulate their sex drive. “Men have more testosterone, so they may be confused and wonder, ‘How can you not want sex? Isn’t that just a natural drive?’” says somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D.
But no matter what sex your partner is, there are ways to navigate this situation so you feel better understood and less anguished about your level of sexual interest. Try the expert advice below and find what works for you.
Talk about it.We know: easier said than done. Talking about sex with your partner puts you in a super vulnerable place. However, it also means working on this together — and potentially even becoming closer.
“Be as honest and candid as possible,” recommends Karen Stewart, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in Los Angeles who specializes in sex and couples therapy. “Women lose sexual desire for all sorts of reasons.” These could include changes in your body, depression or anxiety, the death of a loved one, losing your job, or having a baby.
Whatever your case, talk to your partner about your reasons and let them know you don’t want this to be the status quo, that you are going to work on this, and that you want them to be involved.
Consider how your partner feels.

If the person you love and have sex with on the regular suddenly told you that their sex drive was MIA, your first reaction might be, “What did I do? Or not do?” Your partner probably feels exactly the same way. “They may immediately think it’s about them,” Stewart says. “They may wonder, ‘Are you not attracted to me anymore? Am I not doing the right thing?’”
If it’s not about them, say so. Explain what is going on and that you want to work through this as a team. If your partner is a guy, you could compare your situation to erectile dysfunction (ED), something most young men know about even if they’re not part of the estimated 30% who experience it, suggests Richmond. A man’s ED has nothing to do with his partner — there are physiological and psychological causes. The same could be happening for you.
If, however, your partner plays a role in your decreased desire, you should also think about speaking up about that. For example, maybe you fight often, and you hate how that makes you feel. Or perhaps you love them, but you feel like roommates rather than spouses.
Give some thought to therapy.
If talking with your partner doesn’t get you on the road to improvement, you may want to see a therapist, either with your partner or alone, Stewart says. “If a couple weeks or months go by and this impacts other areas of your lives, and you’re fighting all the time, see someone,” she says. “It’s better to catch any resentment early than to try to recover from it.”
Additionally, solo sessions can help you identify the underlying causes of your low libido and find ways to resolve those issues. According to a 2018 paper in Mayo Clinic Proceedings, research suggests that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) reduces the severity of symptoms and may improve sexual satisfaction in women with low desire.

Figure out what you think is sexy.According to Richmond, women’s desire is a balance of accelerators and brakes. If your libido is super low, something has your brake pedal slammed to the floor. You need to identify your accelerators, or what turns you on. This could be a massage from your partner, watching porn, or reading erotica.
Another option: Simply try something new on date night, like a street art tour, a pottery class or that new Korean restaurant, rather than your usual dinner and a movie ritual. “Novelty goes a long way to rekindling the erotic,” Richmond says. “It sparks desire, curiosity, and all those things that make us feel alive.” Therapy can also help you figure out what accelerators will get you going, she adds.
Do everything but have sex.
“Women are often craving physical connection and intimate interaction as opposed to intercourse,” Stewart says. So make a no-sex rule. Instead, for 10 to 20 minutes, simply gaze into each others’ eyes (sounds cheesy, but trust the experts!) or kiss and make out without having sex or even touching each others’ genitals.
Whatever you do, keep all devices off and out of the room so that you have zero distractions. When there’s no pressure to have sex, you’ll be more interested in doing these activities. Plus, you’ll both feel connected.
Ask your doctor about other options.
If your sex drive has continuously stayed flat for six months and this lack of desire causes distress, you may have a condition known as hyposexual desire disorder (HSDD), which affects about 10 percent of women.
Talk to your doctor about your symptoms and what you can do about them. Beyond therapy to address any thoughts, behaviors, and relationship issues that interfere with your libido, treatment may include medication that’s been found to help increase desire.

10 Surprising Facts About Orgasms You Really Want to Know

Psst—you over there. Guess what? We're going to talk about orgasms. Specifically, the female orgasm.
Why? Orgasms are just as important to a woman's health as using dental floss. You want to experience them to their fullest, but you can't do that unless you're in the know about what exactly a female orgasm is, how you reach your climax, and what happens to your body when it experiences one.
So now's the time to expand your knowledge. This is everything you ever wanted to know about an orgasm, and hopefully your next sexual experience will be your best one yet.
1. Orgasms can relieve pain.
When you have a headache, it's pretty common to go to bed. But you shouldn't be sleeping. "There is some evidence that orgasms can relieve all kinds of pain, including pain from arthritis, pain after surgery, and even pain during childbirth," says Lisa Stern, R.N., a nurse practitioner who works with Planned Parenthood in Los Angeles. It's largely due to the body's release of oxytocin during orgasm, a chemical that facilitates bonding, relaxation, and other positive emotional states, she explains. While the pain relief is often short-lived at about 8-10 minutes, Stern says that past research indicates even thinking about sex can help alleviate pain. Sex dreams, anyone?
2. Using a condom doesn't hamper your orgasm.
A lot of people think that because sex can often feel better without a condom that their orgasm will too. But that's not the case. "Women are equally likely to experience orgasm with or without a condom," says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., a research scientist at Indiana University and author of Because It Feels Good. "In fact, condoms may help a couple spend more time having sex, as a man doesn't have to 'pull out' quickly if he's worried about ejaculating too soon." If he's resistant to wearing a condom because of lack of sensation, consider manual or oral stimulation before intercourse.

3. It's not easy for women to reach orgasm.
If you've ever had trouble climaxing, you're not alone. According to recent research, 10-40% of women report having difficulty or an inability to reach orgasm. One of the best ways to fix that is through clitoral stimulation, Stern says. But medical treatment can also help, as some women suffering from female sexual dysfunction (FSD) may find topical testosterone therapies or oral medications to be helpful. Unfortunately, there isn't a ton of solid medical evidence behind these treatments yet, which is why it's important for researchers to keep digging. In the meantime, anyone experiencing difficulty should talk to their doctor as FSD can be associated with other medical conditions, including thyroid disease, depression, and diabetes.
4. It's important to find your G-spot.
Sex experts have long touted this area of female genitalia, which is believed to contain a large number of nerve endings, as the key to helping women achieve longer and stronger orgasms. But it's a controversial topic: Researchers in England have refuted its existence, while Italian researchers claimed to have found the spot on various women via ultrasound. Regardless, sex educators, like Los Angeles–based Ava Cadell, support the existence of the G-spot and encourage women to find theirs. Its location may be slightly different in all women, but most often it's found inside the vagina and is characterized by a "rougher" texture, she says.
5. Orgasm gets better with age.
There are plenty of things to gripe about when it comes to age, but your sex life isn't one of them. It turns out that as you get older, the quality and frequency of orgasms can improve, Dr. Herbenick says. "[A recent survey showed that] 61 percent of women ages 18 to 24 experienced orgasm the last time they had sex, 65 percent of women in their 30s did, and about 70 percent of women in their 40s and 50s did."
While the survey didn't indicate why exactly orgasms become easier with age, Dr. Herbenick says that it's likely because older women are more sexually experienced, have more confidence in the bedroom, and aren't afraid to speak up for what they want. There may also be more trust and intimacy involved if you're in a long-term relationship, which can allow a woman to relax more and embrace the ride on the way to orgasm.
6. Mixing things up can help.
If you have trouble reaching orgasm during intercourse, consider switching things up, Dr. Herbenick says. "It is significantly easier for women to experience orgasm when they engage in a variety of sex acts as opposed to just one act," she says. "For example, vaginal sex plus oral sex would be linked to a higher likelihood of orgasm than either one of them alone." And remember, intercourse isn't the only way to reach an orgasm — many women get off by using sex toys, either with their partners or totally solo.

7. Your self-esteem matters.
Research shows that how a woman feels about herself — including her genitalia — is linked to the quality of her orgasms. "As a women's health clinician, I can vouch for the fact that every vagina looks different and there is no 'perfect' way for a vagina to look," Stern says. "As long as your vagina is pain-free and you don't have any abnormal discharge, sores or other medical problems, you can consider yourself healthy and normal."
To increase your confidence (and therefore your orgasm potential), Stern says it's important to talk to yourself in a positive, healthy manner, especially when thinking about your body. One way to do that? Look in the mirror every day and say one thing you like about your body. (No repeats from the day before!) Another trick: Pull out a hand mirror and take a look at what's going on downstairs. Getting to know every part of yourself is the first step toward feeling confident all over.
8. It may take more than 20 minutes to orgasm.
Many women take longer to climax than their male partners, and that's perfectly normal, Stern says. In fact, most women require at least 20 minutes of sexual activity to climax. "If you find that your partner often reaches orgasm before you do, there are ways to help him slow down, like applying firm pressure around the base of the penis," she says. If premature ejaculation is a concern, Stern recommends seeing a primary care doctor or urologist to find alternative techniques that can help.

9. Orgasm can happen without genital stimulation.
We've all heard about women who can orgasm while sitting on a train and wondered if it was actually possible. Experts say it is, and Stern even knows a woman who had an orgasm every time she used the treadmill. "The reason for spontaneous orgasms during certain activities is twofold — increased blood flow to the genitals and vibration of or contact with the clitoris," Stern says. Unfortunately, this phenomenon is pretty rare, she adds, so if it hasn't happened to you already, it's not likely to start.
10. There's no point in faking it.
A recent study showed that, when it comes to orgasm, 80 percent of women have faked it at some point or another. That needs to stop, as doing so doesn't do anyone any good. Faking it means your partner doesn't learn what you like and don't like, and you'll end up regularly finishing sack sessions feeling unsatisfied.

Effects of marijuana on libido and fertility

Dear Alice,
What are the effects of marijuana on libido and fertility? My boyfriend smokes like crazy, and although he has been smoking for a number of years, I am worried about him.
Signed,
Endo

Dear Endo,
Marijuana (also frequently called weed and pot) has a wide range of physiological, psychological, and behavioral effects attributable to the many compounds of which it's composed. Historically considered an aphrodisiac, pot actually has a complex relationship with sex. As for whether marijuana affects libido (a.k.a. sex drive or sexual desire) and fertility, the research on both of these topics has had mixed findings. While it may affect libido, there are many other factors that play a role in determining whether it boosts or dampens the flames of desire. Additionally, marijuana may affect testosterone levels, but studies aren't clear as to whether it'll increase or decrease them. To sort through all of this and get more details on the effects that marijuana has on libido and fertility, keep on reading!
Time for the low-down on libido: In recent surveys on the self-reported effects of marijuana, one third of people report that sex is a key factor in their decision to use weed. These respondents stated that marijuana intensified sexual experiences by enhancing libido, control of ejaculation, and touch sensitivity and by lowering inhibitions. However, other respondents reported that pot made them lose interest in sex, feel too lethargic for sex, or feel too self-conscious to enjoy it. And still others reported no difference between sex with and without prior weed use. Another survey claimed that the majority of users feel horny after smoking and that 66 percent of subjects reported having marijuana increase the duration of a sexual experience. On the other hand, other respondents in the survey blamed pot for either losing interest in sex or being unable to have an orgasm at least once during sex while under the influence. These studies show that weed affects people’s libido very differently, with it increasing for some and decreasing for others, so your boyfriend might fall into any of these categories.

It's worth noting that most of the reported negative effects are from cannabis use in higher doses, while most of the reported positive effects are from lower doses of use. Also of note is that researchers are starting to believe that any of the psychological effects, or differences in perception of experiences, reported by pot users may actually be a result of marijuana's effect on the body. For example, weed has an effect on both time perception and feelings of anxiety, so those who report more endurance during sex may actually be feeling less anxious and time-conscious, indicating an impression of a longer, heightened period of sex as opposed to a reality of such.
As for physiological health effects, recent research is inconclusive as to how marijuana affects the testosterone levels of adults, but it may result in a potential reduction in sperm production. There's no clear evidence of infertility in people assigned male at birth who smoke pot. The effect on sperm production appears to be temporary and reversible when the smoker abstains, although the research is inconclusive overall. Some evidence suggests that cannabis use may lead to a change in testosterone levels, but certain studies show an increase while others show a decrease, meaning, once again, the evidence is inconclusive.
It’s unclear if you're specifically concerned about sexual desire and fertility in your relationship due to your beau’s marijuana use. If you are, have you noticed changes in your sex life with your boyfriend? Has his marijuana use patterns changed in any way? Have you discussed any concerns with him directly? If you haven’t, you may consider having an honest conversation about your concerns and offer any support if he has interest in exploring his relationship with marijuana further. If you or your boyfriend are worried about his substance use, you might consider speaking with a health care provider, mental health professional, or health promotion specialist, or encouraging him to do so. For more information about the effects of marijuana, see the Moderate marijuana use and health effects? and the other related Q&As.

New partner = New IUD?

Dear Alice,
I recently had an IUD inserted. I'm not currently having sex, but wanted to be prepared as I am seeing someone who I may become sexually involved with.
My concern is I was told the IUD would need to be removed if I had sex with a partner and then changed partners later. This IUD is a 5-year IUD and the cost was quite a bit. If I have sex now and then stop for a year (or any period of time) and was to become sexually involved again with another partner, why would it need to be removed? If STDs are not an issue, does it still need to be removed?

Dear Reader,
The great thing about the intrauterine device (IUD) is that it’s considered a long-acting reversible contraceptive, which means you can have it inserted and doesn't require much regular management to achieve maximum effectiveness! Additionally, since it's reversible, it can be removed at any time by a health care provider and the user will resume their fertility. Unlike other birth control methods that require you to do something each day, week, or month, such as the pill and the vaginal ring, IUDs can remain in place for three to ten years depending on the specific type, and they don't need to be replaced with each partner. While this form of contraception doesn’t protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), there is no increased chance of becoming pregnant while using the IUD with changes in sexual partners.

Though the IUD can cover you on the pregnancy prevention front, it’s wise to also use a barrier method such as an external or internal condom, to protect yourself and your partner from STI transmission. In addition, getting an STI screening regularly is a great way to reduce the spread of infections and stay on top of your sexual health.
If everything is going smoothly with the IUD and you choose to keep it in place, the insertion of a finger, tampon, penis, or other objects in the vaginal canal likely won't affect its effectiveness. If you do choose to remove your IUD, whether it’s because you’d like to get pregnant, are unhappy with the side effects, experience discomfort, or the active duration is ending, you can make an appointment with your health care provider to have it removed. Unless you’re trying to get pregnant or are replacing your IUD with a new one, it’s best to use a backup form of birth control, as pregnancy is possible immediately after removal.
Here’s to a healthy and happy sex life!
Alice!